God Assisted Childbirth

Mikah's birth slide show

2008-09-19T18:33:00.000-07:00

Mikah's unassisted birth story (with pics)

2008-07-18T15:07:00.000-07:00

THE UNASSISTED BIRTH OF MIKAH DONOVAN

KRIS-my husband
DAWN-my mother-in-law
JAKE-my 21-month old son
KAILEY-my sister-in-law, the photographer

Tuesday evening: The Family and I went to eat at a local rich Italian restaurant, Villa Gargano. We had eaten there when I was pregnant with Jake and my water had broken 23 hours later. We were hoping for the same effect.

Wednesday:
In the afternoon, I started having more contractions. They were pretty irregular, spaced out, but a little painful. I'd had plenty of these the past few days but was wanting it to be regular. I was ready. I got a tip from a mama online from a message board that Target always gave her strong, painful contractions... so I decided, what the heck, I'll try it out.

EARLY LABOR

Jake and I were at Target from 6:15 to around 7, where I had several strong contractions. We played with all the car seats in the kids' section and then I put him in a carrier and walked around a little more. When I got too tired, I went home.

When I got home, Kris managed the miracle of getting Jake to sleep... but couldn't put him down. So, at about 8:30, when I realized Kris hadn't eaten since Gargano's (6pm the night before!), I went to Wendy's for him. I had one contraction in the drive-thru and one in the car when I was almost home. I also had one as I was walking in the door. They were about 4 minutes apart at this point, but I was still pretty upbeat between them, folding laundry and printing Bible verses to help me focus.

Kris's mom (Dawn) came at about 10:30 so Kris could go to work, and after he left, Jake woke up. I tried rocking him back to sleep, with several very painful contractions (back labor? In a recliner?), but wasn't successful. Eventually he went to Dawn and I was able to sneak out and get in the tub.

ACTIVE LABOR

Thursday:
I was in the tub alone (with iTunes) from about 11:45 to 2, when Kris came home from work. Once he arrived, I was able to stop worrying about calling him too late and things got pretty serious. I stayed in the tub a little longer, maybe until 3, when I had to get out and go to the bathroom. Those toilet contractions were killer, but when I was done, I absolutely did NOT want to get back in the tub. Here I was doing everything to plan for a water birth, and the thought repulsed me.

So we moved to the bedroom and I sat on a towel, on the birth ball, burying my face in the bed. After awhile, I couldn't do this anymore either. I was tired, and wanted to lie down and go to sleep (I know...). So I piled up a ton of pillows and laid into them with contractions.

TRANSITION

They were coming every 2 minutes or less at this point, and while I wasn't panicking, I was in a freakish amount of pain during contractions. My low, deep moaning was getting higher-pitched at the peaks of contractions, and I felt like I was losing control. I made the same pillow-pile up on my bed and got up there, since my knees were hurting from the floor. Kris was still providing great lower-back counter pressure, and awesome back massage between contractions (to make up for all the massages I gave him while *I* was pregnant!).

This is the point in labor that I printed all those Bible verses for, but I just couldn't think of any of them. The only thing I could think about was the header on a blog I read frequently: "Run with endurance the race that lies before us." Hebrews 12:1. That's exactly how it felt, and it was absolutely perfect.

I think I passed full dilation on the bed, but I lost my "primal instinct" for a few minutes and tried to think too much. I had felt the baby moving down during contractions (and my belly was visibly lower) so I tried to check my cervix to see if I could feel a head (and maybe some cervical lip that would mean I needed to wait on pushing). Well, what I felt didn't feel anything like head. It felt very squishy and smooth, like a butt. I thought to myself, he was head down early in labor, did he turn in the tub? And I immediately stopped "test-pushing" because I remembered that you needed to make SURE you're fully dilated if you deliver a breech. But after awhile I couldn't help it anymore. I was screaming and roaring VERY loudly through contractions, and I HAD to push. I had to do SOMEthing. I was hoping for that awesome relief that everyone talks about, but I didn't feel it. In fact, pushing was much more intense and painful than with Jake's delivery. Again, my over-analyzing brain said it was because baby was breech, which would be harder work (yes, I was still thinking 100% coherently the entire time).

During one push, I actually stopped scream/roaring long enough to do a good, silent, focused push. And it felt very good and very right, so I immediately yelled to Kris to lay down the sheet (the other shower curtain, on the floor). I pushed really hard on the bed again and felt water go everywhere. I wasn't sure whether it was urine or amniotic fludid (even in labor, haha!) but the mattress was protected, so whatever (in hindsight, you'll see, it was urine. I'd had to pee but could NOT get up and go... heck, I guess that's one way to sterilize an area, right? LOL).

DELIVERY

As soon as the liner was down, I crawled onto the floor and got on my hands and knees, with my head on the mattress. I pushed like crazy for 3 contractions, each time yelling at Kris to push on my back, and to hold the hot wash cloth on my perineum (to avoid tears). After a few pushes, I could feel him crowning, and heard the amniotic sac literally explode under me (remember what I thought was butt? It was a bulging bag of waters). It was the coolest sound and feeling! I kept asking Kris if his head was out yet, and he kept saying no, no, just a little more. The contraction stopped with him out to his nose, and I said oh NO, I cannot sit here like this. The "ring of fire" had been burning for way too long! So I gave another big push and he was born to his neck, which (as you can see from pictures of his wide neck) was hardly any relief. Thankfully, another contraction started just then and I pushed the rest of his body out. It was huge... it didn't just slide out like most babies! Feeling his body rotate to the side for his shoulders was a totally bizarre and amazing moment... being consciously aware of every single detail of the delivery was absolutely miraculous. I knew what was happening at every second, and knew exactly what to do.

I sat back right away and held him, just staring at him for a few minutes.

POST-BIRTH

Of course... I wasn't sitting on the liner. I was half-on, half-off, so when the placenta seperated (indicated by a gush of blood), it went all over the white carpet... in our rental... but anyway, I handed Mikah to Kris, and managed to deliver the placenta ON the liner, but of course, not in the huge blue dish that we'd bought specifically for the purpose. I did inspect it to make sure it was all there (it was) and then it was put aside until we needed it again.

The first thing I wanted to do after getting some snuggling in was rinse off in the shower. I knew I was bleeding a lot, and I managed to make our entire bedroom carpet between the bed & bath, as well as our entire bathroom, look like a bad horror movie. I felt a little faint in the shower and had Kris get me a few large chunks of placenta, which seemed to help a good bit. I went to bed, nursed Mikah for a few minutes until he didn't want to anymore, and then Kris took him to meet the family that had stopped to visit. I woke up about 2 hours later and had to pee, but when I got up I lost a TON of blood (like, a scary bit). I managed to walk to the bathroom before having to lie down on the tile and have Kris get me some Shepherd's Purse (to contract the uterus and stop hemorrhage) and Rescue Remedy (to calm me the heck down--it worked too). After a few minutes I felt decent again, and was able to pee and get back in bed. The next time I had to get up was just fine and I haven't had any issues since. I really think it was because Mikah didn't nurse much the first hour, and also because I took a very warm shower right after he was born. Also, I had taken some ContractEase that first hour after the birth for the afterpains, which obviously doesn't help with the uterus clamping down. But after those first few hours I was just fine, Mikah was nursing more often, and Kris made me a placenta smoothie (which was very good and tasted nothing like placenta).

STATS:

Mikah Donovan Wallace
8lbs 4oz
19.5 inches long
13.5 inch head circumference
14.25 inch chest... told you it hurt!

Born July 10, 2008 at 4:20am, into Daddy's hands. We asked for a God-assisted, unhindered homebirth, and we got it!

He's a short, chubby baby... total opposite of Jake, who was super-long and skinny!

Early labor, possibly

2008-07-09T17:10:00.000-07:00

I know this is my "birth blog", but labor updates will be at:

http://hatchitatchi.blogspot.com/

because it has more readers. See there for updates until there's a new entry over this one :)

2008-07-08T18:05:00.001-07:00

Tonight we went to Gargano's... it's this super-rich Italian place that is absolute gastrointestinal hell but totally worth it. Last time I went was when I was pregnant with Boo, and my water broke just at 24 hours later and I had him the next day. I'm obviously hoping for a similar effect this time, not to mention the manicotti was excellent.

Anyway, on the ride home I was looking at Boo, and looking at the empty car seat in the center of the back seat (I sit back there with him still, except now I'm further away than I used to be. I can't sit in the middle because it's a lap-only belt). And I realized that, any day now, it would actually be used for something other than holding sippy cups and baby carriers (and I'd have to find somewhere else to stash those things!). Boo likes to take the adjuster strap (that tightens the harness) of 2e's seat and play "cell phone" with it. It's super cute. And in a few days, that strap will be just a little bit shorter because there will be something actually IN the harness. It seems so unreal.

Sometimes I think I'm going to be pregnant forever, and that I'm not really having a baby, I'm just growing a belly and it's going to shrink back down like a swollen ankle or something. I know, weird. It just doesn't seem real at all yet. I have an entire stash of newborn diapers, a collection of cute baby carriers (although I DO still use them for Boo... yes, even at 40 weeks pregnant...), another car seat in the car, all the birth stuff... and still it doesn't seem like it's ever going to happen. It seems like home decor (or car decor!). But every now and then I'll look at something and just KNOW that it's real, and I'll have that "awww" moment.

Tonight was one of those moments. We were riding home, and I was feeling the inside of the baby's car seat, which is so soft that I want one too, darn it! I was sitting there picturing what it would look like with a new baby in it... and what the new baby would look like. I have no idea! I think 2e will be a little bigger than Boo was, probably a little bit of dark hair, and bright blue-gray eyes like Boo used to have. A big pudgy face and super-long fingers and toes. But I don't know! The suspense is killing me!

I keep wondering how I'll go into labor, too. I mean, contractions obviously mean nothing. Maybe my water will break first again, although I'm actually hoping it won't because it's just so much messier and makes contractions that much harder, hehe. For the past few evenings, for a few hours every evening, I've basically been at that place that makes most people wonder, "Should I go to the hospital yet?" But I know it's not labor-labor. I can still breathe, talk, and type through all contractions, and more importantly, I can still smile and joke between them. It's not quite as bad as true prodromal labor, but it is just enough to piss me off!!

Anyway, someone send 2e the message through morse code... we're ready. Yeah, the Nekkie Blankie isn't here yet, but we can do a few days without if we need to. Everything else is here and ready. It's safe, it's peaceful, Mama promises to put a note on the door telling everyone to stay OUT. The water is warm, the milk is good, and the love is already growing. So come on out!!

Boudreaux already loves you, baby!

Warm blankies and carriers to hold you close

Everything's ready! Carriers, changing area, cloth diapers...

See that nice plush seat in the center? That's YOURS! Come use it!

This is Boo sitting on you!! If you come out, you can sit on him instead!

Daddy and Boo are willing to share the family bed with you!!

Love,
Mama to 1.8 :)

Bible verses

2008-07-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

Joshua 1:9:
Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

2 Timothy 1:7:
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Philippians 4:13:
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

2 Corinthians 5:7:
(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)

Philippians 1:6:
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

Psalm 56:3:
What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.

Psalm 46:10:
Be still, and know that I am God

Psalm 139:13-14:
For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

Proverbs 3:5:
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Isaiah 66:9:
Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the LORD: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God.

Micah 6:8:
He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?

Jeremiah 29:11:
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Luke 5:31:
And Jesus answering said unto them, They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick.

YES, I'm still pregnant! (Venting)

2008-07-06T19:42:00.001-07:00

I can't believe how many times I've been asked that... any changes? Still pregnant? No contractions? How's your cervix? What is the texture of the stuff coming out of your vagina?

Um, do I know your NAME? I know I go to church with you and all... but don't you find it a little unusual that you're asking me about something that's 6 to 9 inches up inside my vagina?

I don't mind a lot, really. I know that pregnancy = no dignity or privacy, and it just comes with the territory. However, it's complicated to explain that no one is checking my cervix... even if I were seeing an OB, no one would be checking my cervix. Because the state of my cervix has no relation to whether the baby will come in 4 hours or 4 weeks. It's just an excuse for a doctor to put his hands in a place that's reserved for me and my husband. And introduce bacteria. Thanks! But rather than explain that, I just mumble something awkward about how the baby will come when God thinks it's time. And no, I haven't lost my mucous plug, thanks. Do you want me to take a picture when I do?

To answer the contraction question, YES, I've been having contractions. Which, just like the cervical dilation, means absolutely nothing. When they are excruciatingly painful and 3 minutes apart, for several hours, I may be in labor. Of course, I may be in prodromal labor, which does NOT result in a baby! So even THAT isn't a guarantee. So unless I'm crowning, please assume that I am not in labor. I've even had time-able contractions for an entire evening, but guess what? No baby.

I understand that there are a million "signs" that labor is quickly approaching, or that it will be "in the next day or two, I'm sure"... because obviously, it wasn't "in the next day or two". No sign is a surefire sign that the baby is coming, except a baby that's crowning. If you can't see the top of the baby's head, don't ask me if it's time yet. If you CAN see the top of the baby's head, don't ask me if it's time, because I'll probably call you a slew of names starting with "idiot" and ending with "blind moron", and then tell you to shut up so I can push. :) I'm crampy, I'm contracting, I'm sore, my house is spotless (even places you can't see), the baby is super low, lots of pressure, and increased cervical fluid. Been that way for 2 weeks, even though all those signs are supposed to mean "baby is coming soon!".

I'm only 39 weeks and 3 days along. That's not far. The average white woman delivers at 41 weeks 3 days. That's TWO more weeks. And that means that, for every induction-happy doctor that's having women deliver at 37, 38, and 39 weeks, there must be billions delivering at 41 to 43 weeks. I may very well be one of those! Boo came at almost 39 weeks because my water broke, probably due to less-than-optimal nutrition. I've been much better this time around, so it could very well be as late as AUGUST 7TH. That's when I'll be 44 weeks. And THAT is when I'll consider medical induction, unless I feel something is "off" before then. No, I won't consider even natural induction methods before 42 weeks.

Would I love for the baby to come sometime this week (other than tonight)? Yes, absolutely. Would I be heart broken if baby didn't come until the end of July? Nope! Not at all! Some babies just need to bake longer than others, and that's fine. Will I get annoyed with all the questions at some point? I'm sure. I was a little annoyed today because I had a completely crappy weekend and was in a bad mood from the get-go, but I feel pretty good now. When I need to, I'll turn off my cell phone with a voice mail saying that I'm still pregnant, and I'll put a note on the door.

So, yes, the short answer is that I am STILL pregnant, and yes, I intentionally changed all my tickers to ones that actually go past 40 weeks (the one I had says "I should be out by now!" once you hit 40weeks), because once I get to 40 weeks (Thursday) I'll be too annoyed to change them.

And no, I'm not having the baby on anyone else's timetable. I don't care about your hair appointment, your pedicure, your mom's sister's aunt's birthday, your vacation, your weekend plans, or your personal preference. My baby doesn't either. I'd like another single-digit birthday but I'm not holding my breath. I'd like it to be after tonight (so Kris doesn't lose his holiday pay for the 4th) but if it needs to be tonight, so be it. I'm not in charge. And neither is your mom's sister's aunt.

Anyway, I'm about to have a snack and go to bed. I think I've decided that I'll text a few people when I'm in early labor, mainly those that I don't know in real life, and just text everyone else as soon as the baby arrives. I just want to labor in peace, without worrying about who's going to "drop by" to "support" me in early labor, and just "stay until the midwife gets there". Or just stay the whole time but go to Wal-mart for the birth. No, absolutely not. Way too much pressure on me. There will be NO MORE THAN me, Kris, and probably his mom in my house when I'm in labor, possibly his sister if Boo needs an extra person. And I'm sorry if that hurts everyone's feelings, but it's MY day, not yours. We'll call when there's a baby. Scratch that. We'll call after we're settled in with the baby, and placenta has been delivered and blended and everything is cleaned up. Because personally, I don't want any visitors at all period right afterward. But I'll settle for visitors about 2 hours after the birth since I know everyone's feelings will be hurt if I try and do something crazy like bond with my new baby alone for a day or two and let Boo adjust peacefully. Just don't expect me to be wearing clothes, or to hold the baby, at least until my milk comes in fully (so... day 5-7?).

Anyway, glad to get all that off my chest! There's more, but I'm hungry and tired.

Don't laugh... my labor play list (long)

2008-07-05T07:08:00.001-07:00

Fast Labor Songs

Fight for all the wrong reasons-Nickelback
Romeo & Juliet-Indigo Girls
Open skies-David Crowder Band
Tangled up in blue-Indio Girls
Say Anything (acoustic)-Aimee Mann
Reinventing your exit-Underoath
Jersey-Mayday Parade
Shut me out-Kutless
Building a mystery-Sarah Mclachlan
Never alone-Barlow Girl
How Come-Ray Lamontagne
Stupid-Sarah McLachlan
Nice to know you-Incubus
What if-Creed
Slide-Ani Difranco
Mr. Jones-Counting Crows
Bring me some water-Joan Osborne/Melissa Etheridge
Big Mistake-Natalie Imbruglia
Strong enough-Sheryl Crow & Dixie Chicks
All around me-Flyleaf
Magic Carpet ride-Steppenwolf
I believe in you (live)-Amanda Marshall
Your mistake-Sister Hazel
Jeremiah was a bullfrog-CCR
Got to stop thinkin' bout that-Edwin McCain
Make me stay-Ani Difranco
Six feet from the edge-Creed
Love you madly-cake
Again I go unnoticed-Dashboard confessional
What's up-4 non blondes
Deny-Default
Gravity-Shawn McDonald
Sorrow-Flyleaf
You're a god-Vertical Horizon
Follow you home-Nickelback
Warning-Incubus
Unchanging one-Todd Agnew
Take my life-Jeremy Camp
Let it Rain-Amanda Marshall
Wish you were here-Incubus
Sugar, we're goin' down-Fallout Boy
That Summer-Garth Brooks
Voice of truth-Casting crowns
Touched-Vast
We fall down-Kutless
Heavy-Collective Soul
O Praise Him-David Crowder Band
Buildings and Bridges-Ani Difranco
Control-Puddle of Mudd
In the Air tonight-Non point
Dice-Finley Quaye (OC soundtrack)
Not Angry Anymore-Ani Difranco
The End of Heartache-Killswitch Engage
Posession-Sarah McLachlan
Candy-Seventh Day Slumber
Sunday Morning-Ani Difranco
Going the Distance-Cake
My Generation-Starfield
When darkness falls-Killswitch Engage
out of range (living in clip version)-Ani Difranco
Deep Inside (acoustic)-Incubus
Shackled-Vertical Horizon
December-Collective Soul
What if His people prayed-Casting Crowns
Bubbly-Colbie Calliat
The Warmth-Incubus
Faceless man-creed
Jukebox-Ani Difranco
I'm no Heroine-Ani Difranco
Rockstar-Nickelback
I saw the light (live)-David Crowder Band
Draw me Close-kutless
Walk on the ocean (live)-John Mayer
Here for now-Ani Difranco
RockPaperScissors(SMS/SML version)-Ani Difranco
See the sky again-Edwin McCain
Take my hand-shawn McDonald
Napoleon (living in clip version)-Ani Difranco
Nothing Could Come Between Us-Theory of a Deadman
It's Dangerous Business Walking out your front door-Underoath
Smoothie Song-Nickel Creek
Animals-Nickelback
Be Lifted (live)-David Crowder Band
(instrumental guitar)-Uli Dumschat
Come Close-Edie Carey
Gravel (living in clip version)-Ani Difranco
Broken-Seether/Amy Lee
Black Birth-Sarah McLachlan
Sweet Child O' Mine-Sheryl Crow

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slow Labor Songs

Black (live Pearl Jam Cover)-Aaron Lewis of Staind
Giving In-Adema
High on Sunday 51-Aimee Mann
Down in a hole-Alice in Chains
Why-Ciara haskett (cover)
While you were sleeping-casting crowns
Home-Sheryl Crow
My Immortal-Evanescence
It's been awhile-Staind
Walk by faith-Jeremy Camp
Dilate-Ani Difranco
Ramblin' Round-Indigo girls & Ani Difranco
Blurry-Puddle of Mudd
Subdivision-Ani Difranco
Last Song-Theory of a Deadman
Savin' me-Nickelback
Word of God Speak-Kutless
There-for-you--Flyleaf
Grey-Ani Difranco
45 (acoustic)-Shinedown
Move on-Jet
Set me Free-Casting Crowns
Burning Bright-Shinedown
Mother-Tori Amos
Coming Home-Dallas Green
My Struggle-Seventh Day Slumber
The world I know-Collective Soul
Desire-Ryan Adams
Name-Goo Goo Dolls
This far gone-Jennifer Hanson
So I thought-Flyleaf
Far Away-nickelback
Ireland-Garth Brooks
East to west-casting Crowns
I lift up my eyes-Katie Giguere
Giving In-Adema
Fall or Fly-Edie Carey
Who am I-Casting Crowns
Set me free-casting crowns
Reckoning-Ani Difranco
Mexico (live)-Incubus
Listen to your heart-DHT
Jolene-Ray Lamontagne
Shelter-Ray Lamontagne
Torn-Creed
To Live is to Die-Metallica
Hell Yeah-Ani Difranco
Does Anybody Hear Her-Casting Crowns
If you're reading this-Tim McGraw
Wild as the Wind-Garth Brooks & Trisha Yearwood
Seven Bridges Road-Eagles
Carry Me Jesus-Katie Giguere
Here I Go Again-Casting Crowns
Miserable at best-Mayday Parade
Just by your Mercy-Katie Giguere
Piano and I-Alicia Keys
Black and Blue-Counting Crows
You and Me-Lifehouse
In this Life-Collin Raye
So far away-Staind
You Save Me-Kenny Chesney
Caught By the River-Doves (OC Soundtrack)
The Red Strokes-Garth Brooks
When it's done it's done-Bruce Cockburn
You Had Time-Ani Difranco
Small World-Ani Difranco
(instrumental guitar)-Uli Dumschat
Tear Drop-Massive Attack (House MD theme)
Broken Wings-Flyleaf
More than a Memory-Garth Brooks
Ghost-Indio Girls
The Difficult Kind (live)-Sheryl Crow, Sarah McLachlan
hold On-Sarah McLachlan
Simple Man (live)-Shinedown
I miss You-Incubus
Everything Changes-Staind
Not a Pretty Girl (SMS/SML version)-Ani Difranco
Only you-David Crowder Band
Done Wrong-Ani Difranco
Butterfly Kisses-Collin Raye
Yahweh-Shawn McDonald
Arms of Love-Kutless
Rise up, Shepherd-David Huntsinger
Fear-Sarah McLachlan
Honey and the Moon-Arthur...? (OC soundtrack)
Sometimes (i wish)-Dallas Green
Punish Me-Edwin McCain
Crash and Burn-Sheryl Crow
Good Enough-Sarah McLachlan
Drive (orchestral live)-Incubus
Capri-Colbie Calliat
Silent all these years-Tori Amos
Hey Jupiter-Tori Amos
Me and Emily-Rachel Proctor
My Jesus-Todd Agnew
Hello I'm in Delaware-Dallas Green
Better than Chocolate-Sarah McLachlan
China-Tori Amos
Ain't That the Way-Ani Difranco
River-Sarah McLachlan
My Own Prison-Creed
(instrumental guitar)-Uli Dumschat
Gone without goodbye-Brian Littrell
Tori (acoustic)-John Mayer & Nickel Creek
Perfectly Done-Shawn McDonald
This Woman's Work-Kate Bush
Homesick-Mercy Me
Little Earthquakes-Tori Amos
Jealous of the Moon-Nickel Creek
Sweet Southern Comfort-Buddy Jewell
Marry Me-Amanda Marshall
Hannah-Ray Lamontagne
I Like You (Farr's Song)-Edie Carey
Fixing Her Hair-Ani Difranco
Violently-Edie Carey

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Songs for Transition/Birth

In Christ Alone-Adrienne Liesching
Deliver Me-David Crowder Band
Hold On-Shawn McDonald
Amazing Love-Rebecca St. James
A Beautiful Collision-David Crowder Band
(instrumental guitar)-Uli Dumschat
Amazing Grace-Jars of Clay
God of Wonders-?
Only Alive-Jars of Clay
If I could just sit with you awhile-Todd Agnew
Beautiful-Shawn McDonald
Take you back-Jeremy Camp
Wholly yours (B-variant)-David Crowder Band
(instrumental guitar)-Uli Dumschat
It is well with my soul-Katie Giguere
Simply Nothing-Shawn McDonald
I love you-Sarah McLachlan
And now my lifesong sings-Casting Crowns
Wish-Brian Littrell
I wait for the Lord-Jeremy Camp
Mirror-Barlow Girl
Dare you to move-Switchfoot
Redeemer-Nicole C. Mullen
Right here-Jeremy camp
Praise you in the storm-Casting Crowns
Your love is extravagant-Casting Crowns
Lullaby-Creed
Lion of Judah-Katie Giguere
All Creatures-David Crowder Band

39 weeks today!

2008-07-03T15:14:00.001-07:00

Well, I've never been this pregnant before. I had Boo at 38+6, and he was 8lbz 1oz. So maybe I'll be having a chunker! Of course my belly is much smaller this time around, but it could just be because I'm smaller this time around!

I feel great. I felt horrible Monday night and Tuesday, after chasing that UPS truck, but I guess that's why pregnant women aren't supposed to sprint, RIGHT?

I've been nesting like crazy... OMG, my house is CLEAN! And of COURSE, no one comes over. The in-laws and guests only come when it's a mess. It figures, right? Well, here's what I've done...
1. Finally cleaned out 5 months worth of newspaper (that I intended on recycling), a box's worth of plastic grocery bags, and a ton of non-working miscellaneous junk out from the cabinets under our bar. I've just never worried about it before because I had child-locks on there and, well, didn't know how the heck to unlock the dang things. I mean, I knew how, but it was a pain.
2. Cleaned out the car. Okay, I didn't mean to do this, but I needed the little blue trash can out of the car because it goes in our bathroom (we had it in there for Ciara's visit and the Savannah trip). So I figured, hey, I'm out here, let me throw all the trash into the trash can before I go in. So car's clean.
3. Cleaned the top shelf in our laundry room. I did have a box up there that I was using as an improvised trash receptacle, and it had months worth of dryer lint in it. I've never seen so many pretty colors of fuzz! Anyway, I have a REAL trash can in my laundry room now (since the blue one from the car is in the guest bath, I was able to take that green one, which didn't match the bathroom, and put it in the laundry room).
4. Kept everything UP. Yeah, all the laundry is done and folded except what's washing now. All the dishes are done except my cereal bowl from lunch. Everything is clean except Boo's play area, and even that isn't too bad. (Speaking of that, I don't know what I'm going to do when 2e arrives... I am SO anal about where it all goes, I don't think I could let anyone else touch it!)
5. Got the rest of the baby stuff... all here or on the way. I ordered the Nekkie Blankie (the HUGE sized one, so all 3 of us can fit on it!), ordered 3 carriers (2 of which have arrived). When all is said and done, carrier wise, I will have: A ring sling (SBP Mineral Indio, size small), a pouch (black hotslings), a wrap (Black & white Indio 5), a pod (black straps, body is silver waves), and 2 mei tais (MOM tai and Babyhawk). I'll have stash pics up when the Babyhawk arrives... if it arrives before 2e anyway! And I also finally went to Nature's Cure to get Gripe Water and Rescue Remedy (since having it on my "neonatal recusitation" page is useless if I don't have it on hand, right?)
6. The Emergency Hospital Transfer bag is packed, including final "birth plan" and prenatal care records.
7. WD-40 on ALL the doors. Yep. So I can sneak around at 2am and Boo won't wake up. Of course running a bath will wake him up, but you know...

Well, I think that's it. The big thing I need to do now is redo my iTunes play lists since we got a new lappy. The lists are intact but there are missing file paths and since that'd be way to big of a pain to fix song-by-song, I'm just erasing the lists and starting over. Which will take 5 hours, instead of 5 years.

Labor signs? Random, non-painful, totally sporadic contractions. No one has taken me to Gargano's yet (traditional, rich italian... gives you the runs quicker than castor oil, lemme tell ya). With Boo, my water broke 24 hours after eating there. Kris hates it, so maybe I just need to get it take-out for lunch tomorrow and eat alone. Of course tomorrow is a holiday so I doubt they're open. I would love to go into labor tonight, since Kris is off tonight until Sunday night, which is miraculously amazing and will never, ever, ever, ever happen again. That way he won't have to miss work when 2e finally DOES jump out.

Well, anyway... 39 weeks. It's weird being this pregnant, since I've never been this pregnant before! I figured I'd surely have delivered by now... must be that red raspberry leaf/nettle/alfalfa tea, which I hear tones your uterus and strengthens your water bag and all that great stuff. Heck, I could go to 42 weeks... or 43... or 44! AAAH!!! The good thing is, we never really shared the Exact Guess Date with anyone, so suddenly on July the Xth people won't start freaking out on me and asking when I'll be induced. (Well, you guys aren't stupid and know how to do math, so I may as well type that it's the 10th). Of course, in a few days I'll take the ticker off Myspace because it'll say something like "HEY, you should be out by now!" and I'll be annoyed.

I am betting I will not go into labor until after I redo my iTunes library and fix my playlists. So, October, LOL.

Anywho, if any of you would like to guess... please leave me a comment guessing the baby's:
Date of birth:
Time of birth:
Weight:
Length:
Gender:
(and for reference sake, Boo was born at 38 weeks 6 days, 8lbs 1oz, 20.75in, at 10:46pm)

Time for me to pick up the play area, since Boo is asleep and it will look all purdy for, like, 10 minutes until he plays in it again!

And here, have some dang pictures:

Labor/birth updates

2008-06-26T18:11:00.001-07:00

No, not in labor. ;)

Just wanted to say that IF you would like to know when I go into labor, and when the babe gets here, I will need your NAME (first name only ok) and TELEPHONE NUMBER.

Please also tell me if
A) You can receive text messages
B) You can receive picture messages

The plan is that, once I go into labor, I will send out a mass text message. If things peter out I'll send out another to tell everyone that nope, sorry, it's not time. LOL. But if it IS "it", I will send out another mass text shortly after the baby arrives. To those who can receive pictures, I will send a mass picture message as well. (NOTE: if you are not AT&T the picture message may take awhile to get to you).

(Don't worry, WE have unlimited text to any network... it's YOU that'd be charged. Typically $0.10 per text and $0.25 per picture. So, if you just want the two or three text updates and no picture, please note that and I'll put you in my phone book accordingly. We are with AT&T/Cingular)

If you don't have a cell phone, or cannot text period, please say so and you will be called (it will be a brief call) after everything calms down after the birth (30min-2hrs?). If it's the middle of the night actual phone calls will wait until 9am (unless you WANT me to wake you).

So, please send me a private message or email (sunnywallace@mchsi.com) letting me know the following (just copy/paste and fill out)

~~~~
Name:
Phone number w/ area code:
Text: yes/no
Picture text: yes/no
Telephone only: yes/no, and appropriate calling hours:
Labor updates or birth notification only?
~~~~

Thanks!

The Birth Space (pictures)

2008-06-25T10:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm through nesting. Okay, I'm not. I'm sure it'll be a total mess again before the baby even thinks of coming. I've probably set this up and cleaned it about 22 1/2 times already. But I thought I'd share pics of the "nursery" aka our bedroom this time as well.

This is our (totally awesome) king size bed. The white folded thing is a shower curtain liner, which, when I go into labor, will be laid out on top of those green sheets (if those are the ones on the bed at the time). On top of THAT we'll put the red sheets. You know, so that after everything is done and over with, you just peel off the top sheets and shower curtain liner and you have a nice, fresh, clean bed made! Also, there's the birth ball, and the belly cast.

Here is one side of the belly cast, where everyone signed it. Click to enlarge.
And here is another angle so you can see the rest. I keep telling myself I'm going to write 2e a letter on the inside of the belly (and of course let Kris draw in nipples, he wants to do it SO BAD).
Here is a shot of the bathroom. There's a carpet and huge body pillow on the floor--but you can only see a tiny piece of it (it's purple). Of course I'll be bringing in the pillows from the bed, too, if I need to.

Shot of the tub from up high. I should have had someone get in it for size comparison! Yes, those are candles. Yes, that's a fish net. It's for debris. Whatever you think that means, you're probably right. Now I just need another thermometer (Boo got ahold of the first one...why do they even make glass thermometers for fish tanks? Come on! Thankfully they're only $1.50). Oh, and a lighter would be good, too!
Here is the literature that Kris has been neglecting to study... hahaha!
Finally set aside a few towels (red=doesn't show blood... white=able to be bleached).
Stuff that keeps me from bleeding to death... onesies... peri bottle... booger sucker... measuring tape... umbilical cord tape... soft cotton hat...
The 3 onesies laid out... obviously if we have a transfer, "Jesus was Breastfed" will be going.

I'm not in labor yet, just random, short, irregular, sporadic contractions that are just strong enough to irritate the crap out of me. Which will probably go on for another, say, one to five weeks. To answer everyone's question, YES I AM STILL PREGNANT. And until you get a mass text telling you I'm in labor, or this blog has beautiful newborn baby pics, you can safely assume that yes, I am still pregnant.

That's it! Stay tuned for further developments!

Mother-blessing!!!

2008-06-18T05:57:00.000-07:00

Here was the invitation (yes, that's my baby and my belly!)

Well, let me tell you how it went.

There was food. OMG, there was so much food!

There were about 12 ladies from family/church that came--nice and intimate, not too many people in my not-so-big house.

(The woman in the black flowery dress is the one who did the photography)

Anyway, the first thing we did was take pictures of me and The Belly. I'll put those pics last of course. Then we sat around in a big circle in my living room and all guessed the baby's gender, weight, birth date, and suggested more names. I have the papers to see who wins!

(the woman on the left is Granny, she's the one staying w/ us right now and after the birth)
Then we shared stories of what was most positive about our past births, and the best things about being a parent. Gigi (Dawn) read a letter she had written out loud for me, one of those real tear-jerkers.

Then we all went into our bedroom (omg I had to actually clean in there!) and stood around in a circle and everyone said a prayer for the baby/birth and what they hoped would happen, etc. Then everyone checked out the bathroom--where all the birthin' stuff was set up. They thought it was pretty cool :)

(All my don't-bleed-to-death tinctures finally came!)

Then we ate. And ate. And ate. And everyone signed my belly cast (however, the photographer had to leave then, so the pics of my belly cast are pre-everyone's signature... it's covered now! LOL)

I got to hold a 5 week old itty bitty baby... I worked my magic baby sleeping charm and she passed out, then I wore her in a hotslings pouch and she stayed passed out for a LONG time... then I passed her off to her mama, who wore her for all the praying and stuff and TOTALLY wanted one, so I sent it home w/ her to use until she could find a better one (mine's a size 3, she's a 2). Anyway, you can't see her, but this is me and Olivia

Anyway, without further ado... Belly pics!!! :D

Okay, okay, that's it I promise!! :D If you made it this far congratulations and thanks for looking!!! :D

Aaaaaalmost 36 weeks, I feel like an oversized zombie

2008-06-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

Tired. Grouchy. Pregnant. Sore. Nauseated in the mornings and at night. Ugh.

Just a few more weeks!!! Come on, let's go!!!

Granny is staying from today to the end of this week to help prepare for the mother-blessing this Saturday. We are doing the belly cast today. I have a guest coming tomorrow, so I can talk babywearing with her and finally give back her wrap that I've been thoroughly enjoying (whoops, gotta wash that today...).

Then Granny is staying next week, which will be 36.5 weeks to 37.5 weeks for me. Kris is working 12s so I will need all the help I can get keeping Boo happy, since he is generally miserable when Kris works 12s because he gets so sick of seeing just me. Anyway, then she is leaving me to nest, so from 38 weeks to the end I'll be alone. YAY! She'll come back after the baby gets here to help with whatever, especially Boo in the mornings.

We still haven't told much of anyone about the lack-of-midwife fiasco... we're probably going to tell Kris's mom, but not Granny, because she'll just worry and/or freak out. Kris told KK, and we both told Salinda/Evan/Kailey. And Rhonda knows, since I did ask her to possibly do photography/video for us, while letting her know exactly what would be going down and making sure she'd be totally comfortable with it. Still don't know if we'll do that... I'd like to do video and pictures ourselves but we have no video camera... and no digital camera... and I REALLY want video this time, especially since I didn't get it last time. So, we have very limited options, unless our stimulus check just randomly decides to come 3 weeks early. (HA! The government? Early? HAHA!)...

Anyway... my back hurts, I'm tired, and Boo is napping. I need to clean up a little bit and then catch a few seconds of nap for myself. He didn't go to sleep until after midnight last night, and was supposed to get up and go to breakfast with Gigi and Daddy today so I could sleep longer, but they cancelled so I had to get up at 730 as usual. So, with all the peeing, I didn't sleep a whole lot at all. Anyway, time to go do laundry, clean up, and if I'm lucky I'll have a few seconds left over to lie down and breathe... ha!

"So, when is your next appointment?"

2008-06-05T06:49:00.000-07:00

Seems like I've sure been getting this question a lot lately. Which makes things complicated, because there was no 32 week appointment, or 34 week appointment, and there will be no 36 week appointment. But Kris and I have decided, for the sake of our own stress-level-regulation, that we are going to keep the UC thing under-wraps as long as possible. Especially since most people don't understand it and therefore aren't comfortable with it.

There are a very select few people that do know, mostly because they were either open to it to begin with or have very little close emotional involvement.

The original plan was for Granny to essentially move in with us starting the beginning of week 37 and going to my due date, which I just wasn't cool with. Especially the "I'll just stay until the midwife gets here..." part, hahaha. The new plan is for Granny to "move in" and stay a week during week 36-37, because Kris is working 12 hour shifts and I really don't think I'll go into labor that early. During week 37-38 she is going to Panama City Beach and everyone else is going to Tennessee, so it will be a great week for labor because it will be peaceful. During week 38-39 everyone will be back and calling 300 times a day to ask how I'm doing, if I haven't had the baby yet. And whenever I do have the baby, Granny will move back in to clean, cook, and play with Boo. So, I'm quite relieved that I'll be able to be alone to nest and peacefully go into labor on my own, without audience.

I really need to get stuff ready for the days after the birth, too. I need to print up an instruction sheet for how to wash cloth diapers, where everything is, what cleaners go to what (since we just use WV/H2O for pretty much everything)... for anyone that wants to do anything to help out.

Anyway... time to tend to Boo!

The Perfect Birth (fiction)

2008-05-31T11:45:00.001-07:00

My absolute perfect dream birth… as realistic as I could bear to make it!
(Fiction)

Wednesday, June 25th, late night
I rock Jake to sleep, same as every night, and read a little bit online before deciding to go to bed. When I get up out of the chair, I feel warm fluid gush out. Of course, I do what I have to do: I smell it. Nope, not pee. Definitely amniotic fluid. I decide to go to bed, just like with Jake's labor. I change into nice dry pajamas (and a pad) and we go to sleep around 10:30pm

Thursday, June 26th, early morning.

Kris gets home around 7am, and I am still nursing Jake before getting up. As usual, I have 1-2 contractions during nursing, but nothing out of the ordinary. I get up to start the day, like any other day, but keep having mild contractions as I'm doing stuff like making breakfast for myself and Jake. He has eggs, I have oatmeal.

Knowing that today is probably going to be The Day, I put on some cartoon (yay, Spongebob) for Jake and do some last minute cleaning. I know it's disturbing Kris's sleep, so I ask him to move to the front room to sleep so I can get our bedroom and bathroom ready. I wash a load of towels and then put the shower curtain on our bed with the second set of sheets on top of that. Then I vacuum the bedroom and living room. I have to pick Jake up every now and then, or stop and do something with him, which makes the contractions seem a bit stronger and more frequent… of course, I'm still not timing them, since I'm still able to breathe and work through most of them.

I take a break at around 11am to post online that my water was broken and I was in early labor. While I'm typing and reading, the contractions really start hurting my back, and I have to get out of the chair and onto the birth ball while I update everyone. I notice the contractions are about every 4-5 minutes but still breathable. I know in my head that I still need to get up and rinse the garden tub out with vinegar (since it's already cleaned, with bleach and other stuff I'm allergic to--but clean!!) (remember, this is a dream labor here!)… I just can't get myself to get up off of the ball. The cartoons are getting annoying, so I turn the TV down and put some music on with iTunes--one of my labor play lists with the faster songs. These actually motivate me to get back up, as I need to get lunch ready for Jake. I make him some quick whole grain pasta with veggies and some cheese--fast, easy, and not too messy--and let him feed himself while I get back to focusing inward.

It's getting close to 1pm and I'm counting down until I can wake up Kris to help me out. The contractions are more intense with the back pain, but I hesitate to get into the tub because they are still only 4-5 minutes apart when I pay attention to timing them. Of course, they aren't nearly as painful as they were when I had Jake, so I assume I still have eons to go. I manage to put the towels in the dryer and quickly rinse out the tub with vinegar, even though I end up wasting half the bottle trying to do it so fast. I try to eat something, but nothing really sounds good, so I just have a Nutella sandwich and a glass of milk. I tell myself that I need to get on hands-and-knees awhile to turn this baby, if it's posterior, and to relieve some of this back pain. Of course, by this point, Jake is getting really irritated because it's nap time, and he's still wide awake. I pray for patience and a break from the contractions and then settle in to try and get Jake to nap. The quickest way to get him to fall asleep is to sit next to him in the recliner while he rubs my belly, so we do this, and I somehow manage to survive the three or four contractions that I have while sitting and patiently waiting.

It's about 2pm by the time he's asleep and I'm ready for hands-and-knees. I put the TV in the living room on some Sirius music for him, and bring the laptop into the bedroom and set it on the edge of the bed. I play some of the slower labor songs this time, and whenever a contraction starts, I roll forward with my chest on the birth ball and softly moan, letting my arms hang down the side of the ball and my face squish into the front of it. At this point I have ContractionMaster up to time my contractions, and they are getting much closer together, about 3 minutes on average. The back pain is much more manageable, so I eventually get up to sit on the birth ball, and rest my upper body on the bed during contractions. Rocking on the ball really seems to help the baby get deeper in my pelvis so I stay there awhile doing that. Eventually I realize Jake is going to wake up soon, and it's time to get Kris out of bed (3pm or so), so I walk quickly to the front bedroom and state, simply, "Kris, I'm in labor. I need your help. Get up." I have to say it twice before it dawns on him that it's time, and by this point I'm already back in our bedroom on the birth ball. He comes in a moment later and asks what I need, and I tell him I need him to get me some water. He does, and even remembers the bendy-straw!

I can hear Jake stirring in the next room, and then crying, so I ask Kris to bring him to me. He's still upset, but I am able to let him sit on the bed in front of me and hold him between contractions, just long enough for him to wake up well and want to play with Daddy. I ask God for Jake to be happy playing without Mama this afternoon, and for Kris to be able to handle anything that comes up with him.

I decide at around 3:30, once I'm kind of Jake-free, that I'm good to get in the tub. Kris takes him outside so that he doesn't hear the water running and want to have his own bath. I quietly shut the door and shower off quickly, since I hadn't showered that morning, and then let the tub fill while I go to the bedroom to get the laptop and some pillows for the floor. It takes about 15 minutes to fill the tub all the way (I can't get in right away since I have to let it run all the way hot until the hot water runs out, and then cool off…otherwise I have lukewarm water for my bath!), and while it's filling I sit on the toilet backwards, mindlessly hitting the space bar at the start and end of each contraction. I then reach over and turn off the water, and put the laptop on the toilet, and my big cup of water on the side of the tub. I turn off the lights, light the 2 candles I have (vanilla and cinnamon), and get into the tub.

I'm guessing it's around 4pm but there's really no way to know. I hear Jake and Kris come back inside, which doesn't make Jake very happy, but they seem pretty far away. I stop timing contractions at this point, because I don't feel like electrocuting myself, but I notice that I'm having 2 contractions almost every song, and I know that some of the songs are on the short side. I lose track of time entirely at this point, and while it's pretty intense, it's certainly far from Pitocin-induced pain. The music really helps. At one point, Kris comes in to ask how I'm doing, and I ask him to bring more water. He reminds me to get out and pee, and holds the laptop while I do so (it's sitting on the toilet, remember? And I'm soaked). I ask him what time it is, and he says it's about 6:30. I tell him to please get Jake some dinner, there's canned soups in the pantry but they are messy, and he says he'll take care of it. He brings me my water, and then has to distract Jake to get him out again, but luckily he has food , and it works. The water in the tub is getting a little cool, so I drain it about halfway and let some steaming hot water pour back in, and then I go back into labor-land, daydreaming and praying and relaxing. Eventually I start to feel like this labor is never going to end, and that I'll be in labor until I die, but I remind myself that that's not true, and that this will be over with soon… and then I switch play lists to the "songs for transition" list, even though I "know" that labor isn't even close to bad enough for transition. I notice the time on the laptop when I do this is about 8pm. I sink back down into the tub and get lost in the music… two, sometimes three contractions with every song. Some of them are right on top of each other. I start praying a lot harder now, asking God for the courage to get through this, and for a safe birth, a healthy baby, and for Jake to be able to handle it well. After probably four songs, I start to feel like I need to get out of the tub and poop.

Surely this isn't IT, I tell myself. It's been totally intense, and I've been moaning through contractions, but completely awake and clear-headed in between. I debate this for a contraction or two, since I only feel like I need to go at the peak of a contraction. I know that the last thing I want to do is fish poop out of my bath tub, but a bigger part of me just didn't want to get out of the tub. I also didn't want to deliver on the toilet. So, instead of getting out, I just sit up more, in kind of a squatting position facing the side of the tub, and reach inside myself to see if I can feel anything yet. Nope, nothing, yet, but with the next contraction I feel like I'm about to explode last night's Mexican all over the bathroom, so I push and pray it isn't poop.

I can feel something amazing inside of me, like my bones are shifting and the baby is moving down. It's breathtaking, really, and the urge to push is so strong that I have to do it, or otherwise I'd break in half. This time, when I feel inside between contractions, I can actually feel something warm and hard… and with hair! I treasure this moment, being the first person to ever lay a hand on my baby, until the next contraction. I feel baby coming down even farther, to the point where I can only fit my fingertip inside to the first knuckle or so. I call out to Kris, and he comes running with Jake right behind him. I tell him to turn on the video camera (set up on the counter, on a tripod, ready…. Again, dream labor!) and then sit with me. Jake is itching to get in the tub, and there's no distracting him now so I take off his diaper between contractions and let him jump in with me. It's a bit deep for him so I drain it a little and let him stand up, which he loves because I never let him stand in the tub!

The next contraction I push again and Kris asks how close the baby is to coming out. I tell him it should only be a few minutes and to turn on the dryer so the towels will be warm. He moves faster than I've ever seen him move and is back before I even finish that contraction. When I sit back between contractions, Kris says he can see the head… and the hair! He gets super excited, while Jake just looks at me and laughs because I'm making funny sounds.

The next contraction is much more intense, and I know this is it. I lean forward with my chest and left arm on the side of the tub, and hold my perineum with my right hands. I can feel the head coming out very slowly, and I try to do everything in my power to NOT push at this point. All of a sudden I'm reminded of the audio file I listened to at my dad's house, it was a 911 call of a woman who had fallen on a hot iron… and she's screaming "It burns! It burns! My pussy, it's burning! I fell on a hot iron and it's scorched!" and I start laughing, because that's just what it feels like! And my laughing makes the head pop out the rest of the way!

I tell Kris, "The head is out! The head is out!" And I get a minute's worth of break between that contraction and the next. I ask Kris if he's ready to catch the baby, and remind him to put it on my chest as soon as it's all out. He nods his head, with the biggest grin I've ever seen. I remind him not to pull, and he keeps nodding. I am still squatting, but this time I lean back and kind of lift myself up with my arms on the back of the tub, and Kris finally sees the head. I look down, and it is facing down and at the start of the contraction literally spins to the side… it is the most bizarre and amazing feeling ever! I push, and Kris puts his hands down into the water and waits for the torpedo-baby to launch. He catches it right before it collides head-first into the side of the tub, and holds his new baby there for a second, just amazed at what is in his hands. And then he puts the fresh newborn on my chest. Its eyes are open and looking around, and even though it doesn't cry, it is breathing and beautifully pink. Jake says, "BABY!" which startles the baby and makes it cry, which makes me cry, which makes Kris cry.

Kris seems pretty unable to move, so I have to remind him, and say "Towel." When he comes back with a handful of towels, he has tears streaming down his face and is sobbing. This scares Jake, so Kris hands me a towel, and then uses another one to dry Jake off and hold him while I hold our new mystery-gender baby. We already know what it is, but we haven't peeked to verify yet. I reposition myself in the tub so I'm sitting cross-legged and offer the breast to our new addition, which is readily accepted. I ask Kris what time the baby was born and he checks his cell phone. We subtract a minute or two, which would make it about 9:37pm. 38 weeks exactly.

At this point Jake notices that his nee-nee is being used by someone else and he wants back into the tub to nurse on the other side. Of course, I'm wanting to get out of the tub, since I've got a small case of the shivers, so I hand the new baby to Kris, remind him to be careful because the cord is still attached to him and inside me, and stand up slowly. I can't believe how awesome I feel! As I stand up, I notice the tell-tale gush of blood, which makes Kris turn about 30 shades of pale. I remind him that this means the placenta is detaching and about to come out. I feel a contraction starting that is just as painful as labor, and I bear down with it, and plop! Out comes the placenta into the water, about ten minutes after baby. It makes a huge splash, which Jake thinks is hilarious. I tell Kris to hand me the placenta-bowl and I fish it out and put it in there and set it on the toilet. I sit back down in the water for a second to let the blood flow off of me, but since the water is all red, I ask Kris if he can let me just rinse off really quick. He says sure, and carries the new baby and placenta bowl to the bedroom to wait for me.

I rinse off as quickly as possible so I can get back to my babies. Get out, dry off, and then I put a towel and some chux pads on the seat of the recliner. I put on some pants but don't bother with a top, and have Kris bring me the baby and Jake. Meanwhile, since baby has had his first poop all over Daddy, Kris jumps in the shower really quick too, and I nurse my two little ones.

When Kris gets out, I ask him to get the cord ties, scale, sling, and measuring tape. We tie off the cord, which is thin, white, and lifeless since our baby has received all of the blood it was entitled to, and Kris cuts the cord, commenting on how much easier this one is to cut than Jake's, which was still full of life and blood because it was cut before its time. Kris takes the near-sleeping baby and unwraps it, finally getting a chance to verify the gender: It's a (*****)! We both cry a little bit more, and then he puts our new baby (*****) into the sling. (It) weighs a good 8lbs 8oz, a pretty good size for 38 weeks! Doing the length is a little bit harder, but (it)'s about 21 inches long, with a 14 inch head circumference. Baby of course goes right back to nursing and quickly falls asleep, while Kris gets up to prepare the placenta. I'm still bleeding a little but don't feel light-headed or dizzy, but I do take a small piece of placenta before the rest is cut up for smoothies and the bleeding pretty much slows within seconds. I get another surge of energy, but decide to stay put since I now have to rock two babies and get Jake to sleep. It doesn't take long until he's passed out next to me, seemingly unfazed by all that's happened. Once the smoothies are done being blended, Kris brings me one, and puts the rest in the freezer, and the placenta in the fridge. He takes a few pictures of all 3 of us in the chair, and starts sending picture messages to everyone. Of course, almost everyone is mad that they are out of town and missed all the fun, but they will all be back tomorrow, which gives me time to recover and make myself look a little more put together. At this point, I'm starving, and I ask Kris to please, please, please fix me anything to eat. And he is so sweet, he does! Sure, it's canned soup, but that is quite possibly THE BEST vegetable soup I've ever had in my entire life.

After eating, we all get nestled into our nice, warm, crinkly bed (because of the shower curtain!) and spend our first night together as a family of four.

THE END!!! (Or, the beginning!)

34 week 2 day update

2008-05-30T00:02:00.000-07:00

Hmmm... update!!

Fetal heart rate: 145-155, depending on how much I tickle my belly
Fundal height: 33.5cm
Blood pressure/pulse (with baby on my back, as usual): 102/61 / 80
Weight: Haven't bothered, not too crucial. update: gained 2lbs, for 24lbs total gain
Baby's position: Breech, vertex, breech, vertex... bipolar baby, ya know? Currently vertex, at this moment.
Urine: All the pretty colors were right on!

The watermelon as grown, and movement has slowed down a little bit since there's a lot less room. It's getting close... in 2.5 weeks I'll be clear to birth at home... in 3 weeks I'll be 37 weeks... in 4 weeks I'll be 38 weeks. Jake came at 38 and some change. I'd love to have the baby AT 38 weeks exactly, you know, if I could pick the date. I have my reasons (namely, everyone will be out of town, and no one will try to bust in on me in the first 24 hours after the birth, where I'll likely be lying mostly naked in bed with a naked baby, trying to get a hang of nursing 2 at the same time. Not going to be my most beautiful moment). My rings are still on my middle finger... no swelling at all (by this point with Jake I was like a balloon... it's all about the diet). I'm actually kind of disappointed because I wanted the rings to fit on the right finger for once, and I figured they SHOULD by 20 weeks, and here I am almost done and they aren't even off my middle finger yet! Argh! I'm sleeping well, other than getting up every 2 hours to pee, and then nursing early in the morning (usually with a full bladder, unless I manage to pee right before he wakes up... which happens, like, never).

I found out today that the base of my infant car seat is broken. So, we either need to replace it, or just use the seat itself for a few months before switching 2e to another Britax Boulevard (since they aren't ideal for newnewnewborns). Not to mention that the Snugride doesn't install well in the Buick... it does the slip & slide no matter how tight I pull. And you can't tether the top of the seat down like you can with Britax seats (baby, those suckers DO NOT MOVE when you install them!). This is frustrating because now, on top of spending $300 on one car seat, I'm going to have to put another $30 into one we're only going to use for a couple of months. And it'll be expired by the time we have number 3.

Anyway, it's 11:58pm... in two minutes I'll be 34 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Jake's awake (he woke up when the pizza arrived... Bug and Pooh were over tonight to watch August Rush)... and I need to get him back to sleep, so we can go to bed, since it's waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy past my bedtime! And yeah, I bet he still gets up at 6.

Tomorrow, if I get around to it, I'm going to write out my "perfect birth story". With every detail, down to dates and times and amount of pain and everything. Just for fun. But right now, I'm going to try and convince Jake that Sleep is Good. Sleep is Good. Wish me luck...

Oops, it's 12:02 now...

Birth kit is here!!

2008-05-27T16:40:00.000-07:00

Well, it's here! Not all of it... it would figure that the two items I need the MOST are on back order, but one ships tomorrow (Shepherd's Purse tincture, to stop postpartum hemorrhage) and the other ships beginning of next week (Placenta-Out tincture, to aid in expulsion of placenta or pieces of retained placenta).

Anyway, here is pretty much everything else...

YAY!!! FUN BOX!!!

This is everything all laid out. The fetoscope, bendy-straws (for ease of drinking), placenta-catching bowl, postpartum pads (including one with built-in ice pack!), breast pads, chux pads (those big huge pads you put under you if you're leaking water or bleeding or whatever), bulb syringe (AKA booger sucker), peri bottle, scented candles (cinnamon roll and vanilla), and the little stuff (see next pic). Oh, the pile of papers will later be taped to the wall... it's a page per birth variation (ie, hemorrhage, breech, etc).

This is the little stuff... paper measuring tape, tiny unbleached infant hat, umbilical cord ties (sterile of course) (and not clamps, they are too cumbersome), the bottle on the right is ContractEase tincture (to help with afterpains) and the prescription bottle is Methergine (for postpartum hemorrhage, after delivery of placenta).

And this is what it all looks like, neat and clean and put away, ready for 2e

I'm still missing a few things, of course, but they'll be there before the birth. Not that it matters, all you really need is mama, baby, and warm towels. Everything else (including cord clamps/ties) is just convenient.

Hope you all enjoyed and that your curiosity has been satisfied!!

Heads up, baby!

2008-05-24T16:06:00.000-07:00

About two weeks ago 2e was head down, consistently, all the time. I always felt the same movements in the same spots and when I did belly mapping (courtesy of spinningbabies of course) it gave me a surprisingly anterior and vertex position (meaning, baby was facing my spine, and head down) (and the reason I say surprisingly is because A) I have an anterior placenta, which babies like to face towards, making them posterior, and B) because Boo was posterior, even without an anterior placenta).

Anyway, the day after I did that assessment of position, I woke up with a hard head in my ribs, and it's been there ever since.

I've been thinking about that vague possibility of delivering breech, and at first it seemed a little intimidating. I mean, I've always thought about the vague possibility of delivering breech, I even read about it in great detail during my first trimester (maybe just a feeling?), but now I'm thinking about the slightly-less-than-vague possibility of it.

And I actually feel pretty good about it. It's a variation of normal. I've visualized the birth as vertex and breech, and feel absolutely no anxiety either way, just peaceful.

Part of me thinks 2e will be born breech, but another smaller part of me is thinking 2e will flip at the last minute, because I had Boo's head in my ribs at this point as well.

So either way, I'm fine... we'll just have to see!

The End Times: Another reason to UC (thanks, Bush!)

2008-05-20T11:46:00.001-07:00

I am just shocked... I can't believe it! I mean, this has Revelations written all over it.

http://www.infowars.com/?p=1896

Bush Signs Bill To Take All Newborns’ DNA

Steve Watson
Infowars.net
Friday, May 2, 2008

President Bush last week signed into law a bill which will see the federal government begin to screen the DNA of all newborn babies in the U.S. within six months, a move critics have described as the first step towards the establishment of a national DNA database.

Described as a "national contingency plan" the justification for the new law S. 1858, known as The Newborn Screening Saves Lives Act of 2007, is that it represents preparation for any sort of "public health emergency."

The bill states that the federal government should "continue to carry out, coordinate, and expand research in newborn screening" and "maintain a central clearinghouse of current information on newborn screening… ensuring that the clearinghouse is available on the Internet and is updated at least quarterly".

Sections of the bill also make it clear that DNA may be used in genetic experiments and tests.

Read the full bill here.

One health care expert and prominent critic of DNA screening is Twila Brase, president of the Citizens’ Council on Health Care who has written a detailed analysis (PDF) of the new law in which she warns that it represents the first program of populationwide genetic testing.

Brase states that S.1858 and H.R. 3825, the House version of the bill, will:

• Establish a national list of genetic conditions for which newborns and children are to be tested.
• Establish protocols for the linking and sharing of genetic test results nationwide.
• Build surveillance systems for tracking the health status and health outcomes of individuals diagnosed at birth with a genetic defect or trait.
• Use the newborn screening program as an opportunity for government agencies to identify, list, and study "secondary conditions" of individuals and their families.
• Subject citizens to genetic research without their knowledge or consent.

"Soon, under this bill, the DNA of all citizens will be housed in government genomic biobanks and considered governmental property for government research," Brase writes. "The DNA taken at birth from every citizen is essentially owned by the government, and every citizen becomes a potential subject of government-sponsored genetic research."
"The public is clueless. S. 1858 imposes a federal agenda of DNA databanking and population-wide genetic research. It does not require consent and there are no requirements to fully inform parents about the warehousing of their child’s DNA for the purpose of genetic research."

In a previous report we outlined the consequences of the already existing DNA warehousing operation in Minnesota, a program that the Citizens’ Council on Health Care has been following closely for a number of years.

Ms. Brase explained in a statement last month that state Health Department officials are now seeking exemption for the so called "DNA Warehouse" from Minnesota privacy law. This would enable state officials to continue to take the DNA of newborn infants without consent, which would also set the precedent for nationwide policy on DNA screening.

DNA of newborns has already been harvested, tested, stored and experimented with nationwide.

The National Conference of State Legislatures lists for all 50 states, as well as the District of Columbia, the various statutes or regulatory provisions under which newborns’ DNA is already being collected.

In addition, all 50 states are now routinely providing these results to the Department of Homeland Security.

The Newborn Screening Saves Lives Act of 2007 merely establishes this practice within the law.

Another vocal critic of bill S. 1858 is Texas Congressman Ron Paul who made the following comments before the U.S. House of Representatives:

"I cannot support legislation, no matter how much I sympathize with the legislation’s stated goals, that exceed the Constitutional limitations on federal power or in any way threatens the liberty of the American people. Since S. 1858 violates the Constitution, and may have untended consequences that will weaken the American health care system and further erode medical privacy, I must oppose it."

Paul, a medical doctor himself continued, "S. 1858 gives the federal bureaucracy the authority to develop a model newborn screening program. Madame Speaker the federal government lacks both the constitutional authority and the competence to develop a newborn screening program adequate for a nation as large and diverse as the United States. …"

"Those of us in the medical profession should be particularly concerned about policies allowing government officials and state-favored interests to access our medical records without our consent … My review of S. 1858 indicates the drafters of the legislation made no effort to ensure these newborn screening programs do not violate the privacy rights of parents and children," Paul continued.

"In fact, by directing federal bureaucrats to create a contingency plan for newborn screening in the event of a ‘public health’ disaster, this bill may lead to further erosions of medical privacy. As recent history so eloquently illustrates, politicians are more than willing to take, and people are more than willing to cede, liberty during times of ‘emergency," he concluded.

http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/bdquery/z?d110:S.1858:
http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=s110-1858

32 weeks, 2 days

2008-05-17T07:05:00.000-07:00

Me and my watermelon, waddlin' down the avenue...
These pictures were taken yesterday at 32 weeks, 1 day. I have an outie this time!

-My current weight is what I weighed when I got pregnant with Boo--167lbs or so.
-My blood pressure at Wal-mart the other day was 101/66... which is high for me, but then again, I had Boo on my back in a carrier and I'd just *finished* shopping. Aaah!!!
-2e's heart rate is always between 150-160 and I listen just about every night.
-2e's been head down for awhile but was breech ALL day yesterday. Today we're back to head down, butt in ribs, and legs in other ribs. I DO believe that 2e is still posterior, though.
-I don't have a tape measure, so I haven't done fundal height. I do want to do this one soon since I feel like I just swallowed a watermelon this past week.

Boo and I have been watching birth videos together on youtube. I know it sounds weird, for me to have my 19 month old watching "adult content", but I feel like it's preparing him for what's to come. After all, he's going to be there when the baby's born (but out of the room for the labor). It's so fascinating to watch his face... when the women are moaning he looks so concerned... and then baby comes out and cries, and I say "Baby?" and he just laughs and claps his hands. I DID watch a few hospital births one day because... well... I love the reassurance of what I'm going to be avoiding, if that makes sense. It's a nice reminder of WHY. Anyway, he wanted no part of that... he stuck his lower lip out and got OUT of my lap. I think it freaked him out a little bit... all the people, the yelling, the counting, the mishandling of the baby, the screaming... I think it was too much, and I'm glad I know that he can't handle "too much", and I'm especially glad that we're planning on a birth withOUT "too much". I think he'll do just fine.

Apparently there's going to be a "Blessingway" at my house in the next few weeks sometime, I just don't know the date. Rhonda (Melissa's mama) is also going to do family/pregnancy pictures that day... I'll be 35-36 weeks I think, by the time it all gets put together.

Anyway, just going to share two more pictures...

This first one is my 33 week belly pic from Boo's pregnancy. I gained weight in all directions with him, which makes my belly look tiny. I think I was close to 200lbs in this picture.

And this is a 14-week ultrasound picture of 2e.

Love,
The Hippie Thing

Mary, oh Mary

2008-05-13T18:01:00.001-07:00

So, as you can see from the previous post, we finally obeyed God. It's a nice feeling, finally doing what He's telling you to do. And she was very understanding about it (and also knew it was something I'd been struggling with).

Anyway, that night at midnight, as I was writing that email, Kris and I were talking about whether HE was 100% okay with this or not. Since in the end, he gets 40% of the vote. He said, "Every time I pray about it, God just tells me to look at what YOU want and need. And to trust that you're doing this through Him."

Remember that quote.

We got up less than 8 hours later for church, on Mother's Day. I ended up in the nursery with Boo, but Kris says the message was like a direct conversation God was having with him. Bro. Dan (BD) was talking about Mary. I love Mary, she's so awesome! Anyway, he was talking about how Mary was doing something totally crazy, totally against the grain, totally blasphemous--she was having a baby out of wedlock. Which you could be *killed* for in those days. But she was doing it because the Angel of the Lord had told her to, and told her that everything would be okay. And Joseph, by nothing but blind faith, trusted her and God and went along with it. Anyway, the importance of the message was to trust what God is telling you to do, and do it, no matter how crazy it sounds or what people think. And for husbands to support their wives in whatever this crazy thing is.

Kris was looking for a sign, and how much closer to a sign does it get than THAT? Direct communication.

Well, we did it.

2008-05-10T21:22:00.000-07:00

Email to the midwife tonight...

I know this seems totally random, but Kris and I have been talking a lot lately about what we really want and need for this birth, and what God has been telling us to do.

I knew initially (as in, before I knew you existed) that I wanted an unassisted (or "God-assisted") birth. Not because there were no midwives, or because of financial reasons, just because that's what I felt led to do in my heart. At the time, Kris wasn't comfortable with the idea, so he wanted an educated person present but in the background (ie, a doula). I also wanted a support person like a doula, but I knew I didn't want a midwife. Together we decided that I would see you for prenatal care because, again, he wasn't yet comfortable with UC.

I hate to make it sound like it's anything you've done or said, because it's NOT, but I still feel the same way... I've been trying to convince God that *my* plans for the birth were okay, or better, but we all know how that goes. He keeps telling me that it isn't right for us. I've absolutely loved seeing you, being able to "preach to the choir", and expanding my knowledge on subjects I'm extremely passionate about. I am SO grateful that you are here, and I would never hesitate to recommend you to anyone and everyone I know who doesn't want an assembly-line hospital birth... but a birth with any attendants just feels so wrong in my heart and I haven't been able to shake that feeling for a long, long time (I first felt it was "right" for us in August 2006, if that gives you any idea).

I've really struggled with the decision of whether to stop seeing you for prenatal care altogether, or whether to keep seeing you and just not call when I'm in labor... the first option made me feel guilty for essentially taking away a source of income, and the second made me feel worse for being dishonest. Of course, with me, honesty and bluntness always win out, so here I am. In a perfect world, I would love to have a doula at a hospital transfer, but I'm not sure if that would be possible at this point (to just have you as a doula, I mean). I wouldn't dream of asking you to be just a "UC back-up" because that isn't fair to you or any other women due in July that may need your services.

I really hate to spring this on you now, so late in the game, but I really felt like I wasn't being fair to you by "leading you on" (Gosh, I sound like I'm breaking up with you...) and I really felt the need to be totally upfront about what our intentions were. I hope you're not angry that I waited this late... I have just been so conflicted on whether or not to tell you (and Kris has been, until recently, conflicted on whether or not to UC at all) and I didn't want to tell you and then have Kris change his mind...

Okay, I've racked my brain for a good ending to this email... I've never been good at "conclusions"... so... thoughts? Opinions? Where do we go from here?

~Sunny

30 weeks, 5 days

2008-05-06T18:28:00.000-07:00

I'm huge. I swallowed a watermelon seed. My butt is starting to get bigger, my thighs a little, too. I weigh about 3 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight with Boo. The nice thing is that it's almost all belly this time around. And that I'm actually not concerned about my weight. It's nice, really... just relaxing. No one telling me I'm gaining too much or too little.

Kris and I are still debating on taking that leap into "unassisted pregnancy", for several reasons...

Option A: Keep the midwife, don't call for labor.
PROS: In case of hospital transfer, I will have a doula. Baby will be weighed right after birth (when we call)
CONS: Have to keep paying, another several hundred dollars. Have to buy the "full" birth kit, which would be $50-some dollars extra (I'm a minimalist... aside from some herbal remedies I wouldn't get much of anything she has listed on her kit). Have that nagging feeling that "this just isn't necessary" and also the "irresponsibility factor" (explained below).

Option B: Stop seeing the midwife
PROS: Saves lots of money, nixes the "irresponsibility factor", no awkward phone call after I deliver without her, less personal stress and guilt, general feeling of well-being.
CONS: Even though Kris is okay with UC his "emotional backup safety net" will be gone. In case of transfer I will have to be my own advocate (or train Kris).

Okay, now let me explain the Irresponsibility Factor. All women are guilty of it to some degree. When you do your own prenatal care, you have the highest possible degree of personal responsibility. You eat well, exercise, take your vitamins, everything. You know that so many horrible things can be prevented by just diet and exercise, and so you do them without question because to do otherwise and have a compromised baby would leave you no one to blame but yourself. It isn't as true if you have care... when you're seeing someone, you slack on diet. You forget to take your vitamins every now and then (or, like a lot of women on my July board admitted recently, you just forget to take them period). You hardly exercise. And if something goes wrong with your baby? Well, there's someone else to point the finger at. You don't totally blame yourself because there were other people involved in the baby's care, so somehow, they deserve part of the blame... right? It's totally subconscious, but even I am guilty of it. I KNOW that if I stop seeing her, I'll go back to doing exactly what I did BEFORE seeing her: eating right, exercising, and taking vitamins daily (even though the ones I was taking weren't TOO good for me--just didn't have the resources to get the good brand at the time, lol). I hate to have it sound like this, but for me, seeing someone for prenatal monitoring actually makes me compromise my own prenatal care. Does that make sense?

But anyway, that's where we are with things. We want to stop seeing her, but we don't have the balls to cut it off. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE her, she's very sweet, I just know that I don't want her at the birth (not because of HER, because of ME). And I feel almost like I'm leading her on by going to her still, month after month. It's nice talking to her since we're on the same page about a lot of stuff, except the actual birth...

Well, time for me to wake Kris up, and go to bed. If you feel led to comment on what we should do, feel free.

Birth Plans... are a joke

2008-04-08T19:57:00.001-07:00

I was going through some old paperwork the other day and I found a copy of my birth plan from Boo's birth. So, for good humor, I am going to go through each section of it, all of which was APPROVED BY ALL THREE OF MY DOCTORS, and talk about which parts never happened. Then I'm going to give a quick preview of our "Emergency Transfer Birth Plan In Progress", just so you can see how things have changed for us.

Things that are important to my husband and I during labor and delivery
The following have been cleared by our doctors: Drs G, M, and C

ATTENDANTS AND AMENITIES
-I'd like the following to be present during labor: (Kris, KK, GiGi)
-I'd like to wear my own clothing during labor and delivery
-I'd like to take pictures during labor and delivery, and video after delivery

I was not allowed to wear my own clothing... as soon as I arrived, I was instructed that hospital policy states I must wear a hospital gown.
I was aware ahead of time that video would not be allowed during delivery, because doctors care more about lawsuits than patients.

LABOR
Once admitted, I'd like:
-To stay hydrated by drinking clear fluids instead of having an IV
-To have a saline or hep lock in case I need an IV
-To walk and move around as I choose

I was not allowed to have anything other than Jolly Ranchers and ice chips, even though all medical research has proven how dangerous this is. I became dehydrated and needed fluid IV after several hours of this nonsense.
I had to fight in order to have ONLY a hep lock, without already starting standard IV fluids and antibiotics, even though antibiotics are not supposed to be given until 24 hours after waters rupture. I was given ABX 4 hours after SROM.
I was allowed to walk for 40 minutes out of every hour, UNTIL I received pitocin, at which point I had to be continuously monitored.

As long as baby and I are doing fine, I'd like:
-Intermittent instead of continuous electronic fetal monitoring
-A limited amount of vaginal exams

Like I said above, I did get to move around for about 5 hours, when pitocin was started for no reason.
I was given the standard amount of vaginal exams, even though all medical research has proven this to increase the risk of infection to mothers with ruptured membranes.

When it's time to push, I'd like to:
-Do so instinctively
-Try alternate positions (squatting, hand and knees, etc) instead of lying down

Even though I was receiving no medication through the epidural catheter, I was not allowed to move out of the lithotomy (FLAT on back) position, which is the least effective and most dangerous position in which to birth. I was also instructed to NOT push when I felt the urge, which can damage the uterus, and then instructed on HOW to push.

PAIN RELIEF:
-I'd like to try the following pain management techniques: Bath/shower, breathing techniques, birth ball, massage
-Please don't offer me pain medication, I'll request it if I need it
-IF I decide I want medicinal pain relief, I'd prefer epidural and/or spinal block

I was not allowed in the shower, since it could interfere with the hep lock. I was brought a birth ball.
I was offered pain medication several times and encouraged to get an epidural.

VAGINAL BIRTH:
-I would rather risk a tear than to have an episiotomy

After birth, I'd like
-To hold my baby right away, putting off any procedures that aren't urgent (vit K, eye drops)
-To breastfeed as soon as possible
-My partner to cut the umbilical cord

Thankfully I didn't get an episiotomy.
I was allowed to see my baby for a brief moment before he was taken away for no reason. He was pink and breathing. I did not see him again for two hours.
I was not allowed to breastfeed for the first time until everyone else had touched and held him--two hours after birth I was allowed to make a quick attempt, but since it wasn't working well (flat/inverted nipples) I had to wait another hour and a half before he finally had his first meal.
Kris did get to cut the umbilical cord, which was clamped and cut right away. In my original birth plan I had requested delayed cord clamping, and was told absolutely not, under any circumstances. All evidence suggests that delayed cord clamping is beneficial to both mother and baby.

C-SECTION
(just skipping this part since it didn't apply)

POSTPARTUM:
After delivery, I'd like:
-All newborn procedures to take place in mine or my partner's presence
-To stay in a private room

No newborn procedures were done in mine or Kris's presence. He was taken away for the hearing test, a bath, an injection we did not consent to, and one evening was not brought back until Kris went to the nursery to get him...

I plan on breastfeeding exclusively. Please do not offer my baby formula or a pacifier
I'd like 24-hour rooming in with my baby

If my baby is a BOY, we do NOT want him circumcised.

...and when Kris went to the nursery to find him, the nurse said "Oh, breastfed? I was just about to give him his second bottle." Thank you for trying to sabotage our nursing relationship. I can't believe this hospital hires nurses that can't read the huge sticker on his plastic cage that read: "I'm a BREASTFED BABY, no pacifiers or formula!"
When I was brought the consent form for circumcision and told the nurse we would be taking our WHOLE baby home, she was shocked that no one had placed a neon sticker on the Plastic Cage... you know, the one that prevents accidental circumcisions from happening. Since the nurses can't read, remember?

And now, the work-in-progress of our current hospital backup plan:

just in case
HOSPITAL BIRTH PLAN

Vaginal Delivery:
I would rather tear than have an episiotomy
I would like a first degree tear to be left alone, not repaired
I would like my baby on my chest as soon as he is delivered, without being touched by medical staff, unless there is a life-threatening emergency

For Mother, I DO NOT CONSENT TO:

-the umbilical cord being CLAMPED or CUT before the placenta is delivered. My husband will clamp AND cut when WE feel it is right.
-an injection of PITOCIN to "aide" the placenta delivery
-any help at all to deliver the placenta--cord traction, uterine massage, etc unless there are true signs of a hidden hemhorrage

We will provide a container for the placenta AND cord, to be taken home with us.

For Baby, I DO NOT CONSENT TO:
-Vitamin K injection
-Eye drops
-any kind of suction (bulb or otherwise) of his mouth/nose during or after the birth, unless there are signs of severe respiratory distress several minutes after the birth (THIS INCLUDES a birth with meconium aspiration concerns)
-Hepatitis B vaccination, or any other vaccination
-blood sugar heel prick
-formula or pacifiers
-circumcision

Please do not bathe my baby or wash him off. We will gently wipe off any blood ourselves.

Big difference. Bring on the AMA forms. Bring on the doctors and nurses who think leaving the umbilical cord for five seconds will kill a child. I can handle it this time around, because, in the words of Maya Angelou, When you KNOW better, you DO better.

As a final note... I believe in anonymity at times, but I believe all women should know what they are getting into. The doctors in question were Drs. Michas, Graf, and Cucina... the hospital was Phoebe Putney Memorial Hospital. If you plan on utilizing either of these, I highly suggest you hire a doula. A doula with a good set of balls!

Contractions...

2008-04-06T09:08:00.000-07:00

...had some last night, I think. At the top of my uterus. But I was so tired from having no sleep at all that it could have just been extreme nausea... I also used the bathroom and got the trash can just in case.

Then I had a huge glass of water because I thought I might be dehydrated, and the pain stopped.

I'm sure it didn't help that I was sleeping on a hard full sized mattress with my big belly, my baby, AND my husband. I was falling off most of the night.

So anyway, I'm not feeling well today--pretty nauseous still. I'm about to go out to lunch with the family after I unload the car. Just thought I'd update.

Send me reminders to drink more water and eat more protein. :D

Immersion (Abraham and Isaac and birth and stuff)

2008-03-30T16:35:00.000-07:00

Today, Kris and I were talking about a very powerful service that I missed (being in the nursery), which led to a spin-off conversation about the "one world religion" thing, and how that's what's going to bring the world down. And how people in general, including him, have begun to rationalize in their minds that "As long as you love Jesus and are generally a good person, you can do pretty much whatever." And we talked about how that didn't work, because it's just too half-assed for Jesus. He wants more. He deserves more. He deserves immersion.

And Kris is sick to death of hearing me talk about birth and UC, but I had to explain to him WHY it was so heavily on my mind... because to me, there is nothing more spiritual than pregnancy and birth. It is such an indescribable and divine state of being that you can't help but immerse yourself in the experience. And the thing about UC is that, when push comes to shove, you can't rely on statistics or skills or information... you have to completely immerse yourself in God, and in knowing that He will provide, He will be there, and all you need to do is trust in Him, wholly; immerse yourself in Him. There is no other way. You can try to trust a midwife, a doctor, or just yourself, but it's not enough. You have to completely and fully rely on Him to bring you through it, one way or another.

I realized at that point in the conversation that yes, midwives or doulas were common throughout the Bible in attending births, but anytime there was a truly miraculous birth (Mary, for one... Hebrew mothers in Exodus, for another), there were no midwives, no helpers, no one but the mother and God. And those were the purest, holiest, most powerful births. I believe that this is how God truly meant for birth to be... just a mother and a child immersed in Him.

I've also been thinking about letting go, ala "Let go and let God...". In Genesis, you hear the story of Abraham and his son Isaac (Gen 22). Abraham is commanded by God to sacrifice his only son on the altar, the son he had waited for his entire life. But Abraham was obedient, and they went all the way up the mountain, to the altar, and he tied his son to the altar and was about to kill him as God commanded... but He intervened. He then knew that Abraham was obedient and faithful, and provided a lamb in Isaac's place. To me, this means that we need to have faith in whatever insane thing God is telling us to do, no matter what others will think about it. Because no matter how crazy it is, God will provide. I'm putting all of my faith in this crazy thing God is telling me to do--birth without anyone present but Him--and fully trusting that He will provide for our needs--health, wellness, safety. When you are willing to fully immerse yourself in His plans for you, HE WILL PROVIDE for those plans.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding...
~ Proverbs 3:5

That's it for tonight, folks.

Dreams, dreams, dreams... journal entry at 23 weeks 4 days

2008-03-17T19:10:00.000-07:00

I wrote this out last night in my paper-journal. I know, crazy... I actually found a PEN in my house!

But first, the Bible verse that is written on the inside cover of the journal:

Jeremiah 29:11:
¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (NIV)

And now, the actual entry...

I am not afraid of UC. It almost seems crazy to think it, let alone write or say it, but I'm not.

I almost feel as though I should be obligated to fear labor and birth--maybe because that's what we've been conditioned to believe in our society--but I can't even force myself to feel anything but peaceful and excited.

Three nights in a row last week I dreamt of birth.

The first dream had nothing to do with birth--or so it seemed--but I woke up knowing somehow that it was meant to tell me about the birth. I only remember the end. I was in a clearing with Jake and was supposed to get an owl for something--but they (the owls) looked so incredibly real and I was afraid one would bite me. But then Jake grabbed one and I realized that they weren't real after all and felt so much peace and relief. I woke up and my first instinctual thought was to look up owls and what they meant to my birth.

I looked it up, and also asked the moms in the UC forum their opinions. Several replies related to the wisdom (owls = wisdom) of UC and how it can seem scary at first. Also to my eternal struggle with decision making. One woman said that it seemed as though I was afraid of my own inner wisdom and power, but that Jake was pure and had not learned that fear yet. A hooting owl can symbolize a coming death. My owls did NOT hoot. However, I think that they may have symbolized my fear of death, which in the dream, was an unreal and unfounded fear. This may be why I have not been afraid of a stillbirth since that night.

Night two was a strange dream (also). A delivery table was set up in my living room, and I walked into my house to see nurses pouring thick blue liquid on my baby. I took him from them and the doctor said if I dropped the placenta the baby would die. So I put the placenta on the baby's belly and tried to go outside, but it was snowing. Instead I went to a corner to squat. Now the placenta was inside of me and I knew I had to get it out before the doctor noticed. I pulled on the cord gently, which made me gag and wake up, scared.

No ideas... I'll come back to it...

(ETA tonight: snow felt like the most insignificant and yet most important part of this dream... dreaming of snow in the winter predicts success after minor difficulties... snow storms signify hard work with big success at the end... It also signifies inhibitions or repressed/unexpressed emotions and the need to express them. I need to talk to the midwife about what I feel is right for me. I also need to talk to her about the one thing I felt most uncomfortable with--the third stage of labor and how she handles it... which I believe is why I was crouching in the corner trying to pull out the placenta, which I knew was wrong because it made me get sick but I felt I had to do it for the doctor present.)

The last dream was simple. The midwife was at my house because I was in labor. I was 4cm dilated. Three days later I was still at 4cm and the MW was just making conversation. She was upset that she had to miss a big family event because I was in labor. I kept telling her to GO already, so I could have the baby, but she would not leave. That dream left me exhausted.

So let me wrap this up for tonight. I could as God for five million more "signs" about what to do, but the fact is I feel like He's already shown and told me, time and time again. I know it's right. It feels so right. And everything else I picture feels SO wrong.

That's it. I read that aloud to Kris tonight and he said the dream that stuck with him the most was the owls dream. It made him feel "better". To him, it sounded like the most powerful of all the dreams, even though it seemed unrelated.

So, I guess I just need to bring it up with the midwife and see where she'd like to stand on this issue with me. I keep getting signs that I need to resolve this issue as it feels like a huge loose end (not to mention the total lack of bluntness and honesty in my primary blog is just wrong to me). I may be risking losing all prenatal care, but if I don't bring it up, I'll drive myself crazy for the next 3 months. And stress isn't good for 2e at all.

I haven't posted in a WEEK!

2008-03-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from other blog*

Sorry! I know, I'm so horrible to leave all of you hanging like this!!

////deleted paragraph ;) ////

I started writing in one of those pen-and-paper journals last night... because I was too lazy to drag the laptop into bed... and ended up writing five pages (probably one page typed) about the dreams I had last week relating to the birth. They weren't exact replicas of what I want to happen, but their messages were very clear to me.

Kris and I have been going through all the birth information I can find, and I've been explaining things to him the best I can, using the Bradley book, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Emergency Childbirth as guides (I don't have anything much better at the moment). I don't know if it's actually sinking in or not, or if he'll be all over Google as soon as I have my first contraction. But he's not the exception to the rule of everyone must know what's going on... in fact, he MOST needs to know!

////edited out more random rambling////

Pregnancy update? We have a "gift registry"...

2008-03-10T09:38:00.000-07:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from other blog*

Wow, I just realized that I totally haven't been keeping up with this pregnancy. I'm 22 1/2 weeks along and haven't really posted about it much... more about the birth plans than the pregnancy! I guess it's because I've already done the whole pregnancy spiel once, but haven't done this kind of birth yet, so I'm excited for new things.

For those of you that know, we did find out the gender, and aren't telling anyone. NANANANANANA.... Sorry... but this is one piece of news that *I* plan on sharing with the world when *my* baby is born... because I didn't get to share it with Boo, I didn't get to show Boo off when he was born, and I didn't get to tell anyone I was pregnant this time around. Well, okay, I got to tell each of those things to about 2 people, and everyone after that said "Yeah, I heard!" This time around, I'm going to be very selfish, and when 2e is born, I'm going to put him/her in a sling and let people peek as I walk around. Look! He/she's here! It's a boy/girl!

I honestly haven't decided on who all is going to be there for the birth. I technically NEED Bug there, but if she's going to be there she's going to have to do some reading and preparation first, because I want everyone in attendance to be informed about what a normal birth is actually like, what they can do to help, what wouldn't help, etc. Everyone that is being considered for labor help *needs* this info, otherwise they just won't be here because they could potentially be a hindrance. This isn't to be mean, it's for mine and 2e's safety. Otherwise I'll just steal the camera and mount it on my bathroom wall. Of course there is a part of me that may not want ANYONE present when I go into labor, and of course if that's the case I wouldn't call anyone at all... and then pray that they won't be offended. Just expect that you have to know everything, and then expect to never be called. :)

I feel like I have almost everything ready for the baby, though. I have diapers... though not enough... but several family members have links to what I need..... I have the wrap that's GOING to be turned into a ring sling... I have Boo's old infant carseat, which will work until we can save up for another Britax Boulevard.

Due to people asking, though, I have registered at one place, online... it's a place where you just post links to outside web-sites, instead of just picking items from one store. If you'd like to see our registry, it's here: "2e" Wallace's Gift Registry

Anyway, time to vacuum the carpet. Boo had an apple and a plum this morning, and he doesn't always eat every bite, just every other bite... so there are fruit remains scattered all over the carpet. Boy, that child LOVES him some fruit!

Deep Thoughts

2008-02-20T09:36:00.000-08:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from other blog*

Kris and I were talking a few days ago about parenting decisions... well, we started out talking about the Pro-Choice "argument" of "My body, my choice", and as it related to birth: If I have a legal right to kill my baby today, I should have the legal right to birth it however and wherever I please as well. And then we got to talking about parents making decisions for their children's best benefit (as is NOT the case in most abortions). We talked about how some people think many of OUR decisions are endangering our children--namely, our birthing decisions and our decision to not vaccinate.

Anyway, I ended up comparing our vaccination decision to circumcision... or as we prefer to call it, leaving the baby intact or whole. We didn't circumcise for a ton of reasons... namely the lack of benefits and the myriad of risks... but also because it's HIS body, HIS choice. He can always go back and circumcise later if he chooses, but if I do circumcise, he will never be able to completely undo that damage. Once it's done it's done. It's the same with vaccinations... people often ask why I would "do" that to him, when really I'm not doing anything to him. It's the safer option for us. If he wants to get vaccinated when he's older, he can go to the health department and get any vaccine he wants. But once the toxins are in the system, they'll always be there... (better to have true immunity anyway).

I know, you thought it was going to come back around to unassisted birth and abortions, but sorry, I just had to explain the wild ride we took to get where we ended up.

Well, I guess I could bring it full circle. We are a family that believes a lot in HIS body HIS choice: he decides when he's ready to potty train. He decides when he's hungry and full. He decides where he's most comfortable sleeping. He decides when he's ready to wean off the breast. And at the very beginning, HE decides whether to miscarry or not... instead of a forced miscarriage (abortion). HE decides when he wants to be born and in what position (versus a c-section, induction, or any tools used by a doctor or midwife to hurry things along or slow them down).

Boo is his own person, with his own personality, character, and mind, his own ability to make decisions for himself. And we plan to honor that as he's growing up, so he'll turn into a unique, strong, confident man with the ability to think for himself. His body, his mind, his choice.

A real post, finally!

2008-02-06T09:33:00.000-08:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from other blog*

I'm sorry I've only been posting short, boring entries and a ton of pictures. I know, it's a total cop-out. And I promise to do better. I just have problems focusing my thoughts when I actually sit down. I mean, when I'm showering or folding clothes, I can think of five million things that I want to say and in the exact words that I want to use... but then as soon as I open up this Create Post box, my brain just fries and I don't know what to write at all!

But I guess I need to give you guys SOMEthing, right? What's been going through my head?

The birth. Yeah, I know, you're all sick of hearing about birth-related stuff. Well, then skip this entry.

As most of you know, I'm a huge unassisted birth advocate. And as a few of you know, I've actually been seeing a midwife for prenatal monitoring. She's great, don't get me wrong, but I'm just having a hard time picturing it. And it's because I KNOW that I what I need is to have a completely autonomous birth, which just isn't possible with a midwife unless she elects to go buy donuts during the second stage.

Kris and I have talked about this at length several times, and he's went from totally okay with it (pre-pregnancy) to totally paranoid about it (post-telephone-call-with-his-mom), to pretty okay with it (post-that-telephone-call-and-discussing-with-me), to actually preferring to do it (today). According to his theory, I would be more comfortable with just him here, to boss around and yell at, whereas in a hospital or with a midwife, I wouldn't feel comfortable being in the assertive/aggressive role because someone else would be "in charge". And this is what I've been saying all along. And it's precisely what I think causes a lot of problems--when a mother is not the one calling all the shots (period), instincts aren't heard as well and problems arise. The Voice of God can be tuned out (intentionally or not) and is sometimes pretty subtle and quiet, which would easily be drowned out by anyone else giving instructions to the person in need of that message from God.

The problem is, of course, that I don't know what to do about the prenatal care situation. I do enjoy going to the visits, but I'm fully aware that I can do everything she does, here in my home. I do enjoy the advice and peace of mind, but again, that's all available elsewhere. I started seeing her for Kris's peace of mind and so that I wouldn't have to hear lectures about the dangers of UC from the rest of the family (as I'm sure they'd find out... this is a public blog), not because I felt I needed to go. We've also entered into a contract, and while I can cancel the contract and just pay a certain balance, I'd feel wrong doing it because it is a source of income for her, and I'd feel especially bad if she had turned down another woman due in July just because she already had me, only to find out she WOULDN'T have me. Not to mention that Kris would still like some prenatal care--and by some, I mean less than once a month--and I'd rather receive it from a midwife than have to deal with a team of obstetricians that are stuck in the 1970's.

And such would be my dilemma: I'd first have to explain to whomever I was interviewing WHY I didn't seek prenatal care until 20 weeks, then once I found one that was reasonably acceptable (in case of transfer), I'd have to go to way too many prenatal check-ups. Or deal with phone calls all the time when I don't show up to appointments after 38 weeks. Or deal with phone calls when I'm overdue and need to be induced. Or deal with them in general and their premature-cord-clamping, epidural-happy, pitocin-bleeding mindset. Is that worth it? Or should I just pay $80 MORE per month for care with the midwife, whom I can call in case I feel the need in labor? Or would she be even willing to keep me as a patient if she thought I was planning to UC?

It's all getting very complicated. I know what I want, but everyone else doesn't want the same things. So for now, I'll just keep praying about it.

Advice welcome ;)

Journal entry, 14 weeks 4 days

2008-01-14T09:50:00.000-08:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from private UC journal*

I’ve been sick. Very sick. I’ve been sick enough to throw up a total of six times in my life (that I remember… which starts around age 4), and this past weekend was time number six. I vomited several times and had strong contraction-like stomach pains. The pain was so intense (even thought I KNEW it had nothing to do with the baby, I just don’t “do” throwing up) that we decided to go to the hospital.

I started getting sick Thursday night and went to the hospital Saturday afternoon, at which point I smelled horrible but could finally walk. Jake had been having fun with family during the day, but still nursing and kicking me in the stomach all night. But back to the hospital.

We weren’t there long, but I was so sick and exhausted that I wasn’t arguing with much of anything. I didn’t have to wait as long as other patients, I went straight from triage to a room (I was pregnant, and my blood pressure was very, very low and I was passing out). I had an IV. This took four tries, as usual, and a few minor vein blow-outs. Then I had blood drawn and fluids given through that IV, which actually made me feel much better. When the nurses couldln’t find the baby’s heart tones with a Doppler (which I was too sick to argue with), I was wheeled upstairs to ultrasound. I didn’t argue with this because it’s safer than Doppler and because I was ready to finally hear some heart tones. Also, I had already been catherized for the procedure and I wasn’t going to let that horrible procedure (second time in my life) go to waste.

The baby, as I ALREADY KNEW, looked perfect. Good movement. Good heart rate (153). Four chambers in the heart. Everything measuring on time. Everything in its place.

I was a little upset that so much focus was on the baby (who was fine), and not me (who was clearly NOT fine). In fact, when they were discharging me, they did say that my baby was fine, my bloodwork was normal, and oh, stay on strict bedrest until I saw my OB/GYN on Monday. You know, after I’d told them midwife several times. They were very nice, very kind, very fast and efficient. But three nurses, an ultrasound tech, and a doctor never told me what was wrong with me.

So I came home and slept, and then called my midwife, who actually told me, from two hours away, what was wrong with me. A horrible, virulent, satanic stomach bug that had already ravaged her entire family. And she described the course of the bug exactly. I had to laugh at this since I kept telling Kris to call the MIDWIFE when I thought I was dying, and he (who had wanted to hire her and pay her so much to begin with) thought that was stupid. So we didn’t. And now we get to pay an outrageous copay for a virtually useless hospital stay when we could have just made a 10 minute phone call instead.

But as it is, I’m getting better every day. I was able to have Jake all by myself today, although he was a big angry at the lack of daytime milk (as he’d been gone and not nursing the past 2-3 days). I’m readjusting to eating, and I have to admit that, while dehydration sure does suck, it’s nice not getting up to pee five times a night.

More later, it’s time for bed.

Journal entry, 13 weeks 0 days

2008-01-03T09:49:00.000-08:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from private UC journal*

I went back for another prenatal appointment a week ago today, and still felt unnerved and a little uncomfortable. It wasn’t anything the midwife did or said, other than her policy on uterine massage, it just felt wrong still.

I took Dawn with me this time and she loved the midwife. After all, she’d recommended her accidentally. We talked more about UC on the long ride home—not about me doing it, just about UC in general—and I told her that there were a few things that I didn’t like about the midwife’s procedures. We talked about why, and she said that she had more respect for a decision made on motherly instinct and Godly instinct than she did one made on statistics or research alone. Of course, that doesn’t mean she’s pro-UC or anything remotely near it. It just means that she respected my reasons for feeling uncomfortable.

When I got home I talked to Kris about it, and about how I still felt UC was the way to go and I felt a bit like I was wasting the midwife’s time. I’m sick of just calling her The Midwife, so let’s give her a good fake name to protect her identity, shall we? How about Linda. There, that doesn’t even start with the same letter. Linda the Midwife. Anyhow, I felt like I was wasting Linda’s time, but I couldn’t stop prenatal monitoring (not prenatal care… will explain later) because she was the key to me getting a script for an ultrasound without hassles, for the oral vitamin K if we decide to do it, and… after that I couldn’t think of any more reasons. Kris, being the cynical one, said “What, so you’re just going to keep her until 20 weeks and then dump her?” I said no, of course not, even though the thought had crossed my mind. Then he said, “What, so we’re going to pay the whole $1200 just to NOT call her for the birth?” Well, no, of course not. He didn’t say it in a mean way, although he did say that it would be pretty mean of us to do that to her (well, option two isn’t mean to her: she gets all the pay for half the work). On a brighter note, he did say that if I felt I truly needed to UC, he would fully support me in it. Yes, he’d be a nervous wreck the entire time (meaning it’d be a solo UC), but he would be okay with me going forward with it.

The once nice thing about having already seen a midwife, even if I stop going, is that whenever someone criticizes something I’m doing (ie, still nursing) I can just say that my midwife is fine with it. Because I know that people truly believe that doctors are Gods, and we lowly humans are just too stupid to Google it ourselves.

Anyway, as of now we are going forward with the UC in whole. Somehow, anyway.

And on another note: I haven’t been eating enough. I lost weight between 8 weeks and 12 weeks, and I need to add calories and more PROTEIN to my diet. So I’m off to make a food chart to make sure I’m getting enough protein and at least… what, 3100 calories? Yeah. Tons of calories!

Journal entry: 10 weeks 0 days

2007-12-14T09:48:00.000-08:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from private UC journal*

Well, it’s been awhile, and as you can see from above, I was interrupted mid-sentence by a nursling. I guess I should update a bit.

I’ve gotten fatter. Well, since I’m eating so much, the top part of my stomach pokes out, right under my ribs, until the food digests. Then the bottom part looks distended, and then finally, I look a little pregnant. For a few hours, anyway. All of my pre-Jake-pregnancy pants are still a little too big, and I can’t find any maternity pants to see if the elastic on them would actually help my fit. So I’m still wearing belts that dig into my stomach and make me more nauseous.

I’ve been drinking Red Raspberry Leaf Tea, with alfalfa and nettles and some peppermint for flavor. It’s pretty good, although since it’s loose leaf (not in bags) it’s kind of a pain to make. I drink a cup a day and it makes me feel pretty great.

Well, I met that doula at Cracker Barrel, and mid-conversation she brings up the fact that yes, indeed, she is a homebirth midwife. Obviously those kinds of things can’t be revealed in this state on websites and such, so she waited until she knew what I really wanted in a birth to tell me.

I can’t decide if I felt disappointment or acceptance. It certainly wasn’t relief, but that was Kris’s primary emotion. I guess he wasn’t really on board with the God-assisted birth idea, he would rather have someone there “just in case”… you know, just in case God messes up, right? That’s what it seems like to me, anyway. But since he isn’t as spiritually involved with what’s going on with me, I can understand his apprehension.

Anyway, I decided to give it a shot. Might as well have prenatal care to make The Husband feel better, right? She knows that I wanted to UC, and she knows how I feel about birthing alone and interventions. Up to a certain limit, she is willing to follow that. So I went to her office for a prenatal visit. It was nice seeing someone about pregnancy and not having to take off all of your clothes, lie on your back with feet in stirrups, and have tons of things done to you but not explained to you. She explained everything as she was going along and I didn’t have to move or remove a single article of clothing. It’s amazing how easy it is to allow a woman to keep her dignity and still accomplish everything that needs to get done.

I was very comfortable with all of her answers to my extensive list of questions, except one. I am not comfortable with her placental procedure. Now, she doesn’t do active management, but she does only allow 30 minutes for delivery and starts worrying after 15. Of course, believing in my body’s ability to do what it needs to do, when it needs to be done, I was uncomfortable with such a short time period. I understand that there is some research to back up her reasoning, but UC isn’t necessarily about research, it’s more about trusting your instincts and trusting God… and this particular aspect just gave me a huge feeling of being wrong for me.

Anyhow, I need to write more, and I need to write more often, but Jake is finally dozing and my nauseous, tired self needs to go off to bed.

It’s ironic that this midwife agrees with me on the priceless value of a great diet. However, since Kris decided we needed a midwife and therefore have to pay a large sum of money, affording healthy foods has become a huge challenge. I’m happy to have tap water (read: chlorine, fluoride, and lead), cereal (with no milk), and hot dogs left on payday these past few weeks. But it’ll get better after Christmas… right?

Goodnight, all =D

Bunch of random ramblings...

2007-12-03T09:31:00.000-08:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from other blog*

Well, I didn't have any intention of posting... but I have a set of quick-links at the top of my (firefox) browser, and I was going through them in order, and Blogger was third. So, here I am. Posting.

////edited out 2 paragraphs of random rambling////

I guess I'm dilly-dallying around because I don't want to talk about the midwife appointment. Well, I do, it's just so long that I don't want to WRITE about it. I mean, we talked for over two hours, how am I supposed to put THAT in a post? Guess I could give it a shot.

Went to appointment. Met again with "B", weighed myself (143.5), peed in a cup (negative, just like my body told me), had my thyroid touched (I'm still laughing about this... my OB probably did this also but he never actually TOLD me what he was doing). Got to stay in all my own clothes. Asked a million question. Was comfortable with all answers except one (which I doubt she's willing to change her mind on, she was pretty adamant about it and there is a lot of evidence on her side... it just didn't "sit" right with me, if that makes sense). Asked a million more questions. Talked about guitars and labor and music and breastfeeding. Went home.

I'll elaborate more on certain things later, but the nice thing is that she's pretty "hands-off" and has a pretty big normal box. I still want a UC more than anything, so I'm trying to quiet the dueling of the "logical" and "instinctual" sides of my brain... aka, the "Kris" and "Sunny" sides. I know what I really want, but I can't have it, so sometimes I feel like I'm settling. I know that there are also limits on what she will attend... and that, in a few of those circumstances (the ones you know about beforehand) women have very successfully UC'd. So maybe I'll end up in a situation where I'll have to UC, who knows. Only time will tell. Maybe over time I'll get more comfortable with the idea of someone else at the birth, and maybe I won't and I'll have to change my plans. This is one of those God's-hands-God's-will kind of things, so I'll just be leaving it up to Him and what He puts in my heart. Am I going to UC? Am I going to have a midwife at the birth? Ask in August. I'll know by then.

Quote of the Whenever...

2007-12-02T09:28:00.000-08:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from other blog*

So, in looking for some very good homebirth-advocacy shirts on cafepress, I stumbled upon a great bumper sticker with a great quote:

It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.
-Voltaire

I had to laugh.

The licensing of homebirth midwives is still illegal in the state of Georgia, so that even if there are practicing midwives (there are, of course), they can't exactly put themselves all out in the open. Why? Because in Georgia, we're PROUD of the fact that we have one of the highest infant mortality rates in the US! Because in Albany, we're proud that Phoebe Putney Memorial Hospital's Cesarean Section rate is almost EIGHTY (80!!!) percent!

When a woman actually wants to have a safe birth for her child, she has to go through harassment, potential CPS threats, and the fear that her care provider (should she choose to have one) could be in jail or ordered to Cease & Desist before her delivery.

[As a side note, let me address my opinion and the general opinion of those that are educated on the manner: hospitals are generally not safe places to give birth. Not for normal, straightforward deliveries. They are there for triplets, they are there for the very rare abnormal (this does not include breech... well sometimes a footling breech...) positions that require a c/s, they are there for placenta previa and other placenta problems... not for normal birth.]

Anyhow... in the state of Georgia, if you have a rare and unfortunate emergency and need to transfer, you are in a sticky situation. If you have had an unassisted birth, the general consensus is to go into the ER claiming that YES, you had illegal midwifery care, to avoid the possibility of CPS taking your baby away. If you have midwifery care, you have to say that YES, I was trying for an "unassisted" birth, so that your midwife doesn't get hauled away. It's almost enough to make you want "shadow care"... 9 months of stress and aggravation just in case an emergency should arise. Of course, I don't and won't, and most of my readers know which lie I'd be telling in the ER should anything come up. ;)

It sucks, really. Attachment parenting is the method that's waiting for the Established Authorities to get off their butts, look at the studies, and have their big A-HA moment. It's a slow waiting game... the AAP finally acknowledges a minimum of one year to breastfeed (whereas the WHO is ahead of them with a minimum 2 years). I understand it's political... if they say "toddler nursing is great", then no one would listen to the AAP ever again. They have also moved their circumcision stance to "not medically necessary", because calling it cosmetic surgery or genital mutilation (the reasoning why many insurance companies don't cover it) would be way too quick... gotta introduce people to these ideas gradually, right?

There are other issues, too, but I have diapers that need to go in the dryer, otherwise we'll be using paper diapers (ugh!) and Boo will get his, like, second rash of his life.

Have a great day, everyone, and have some fun with that quote!

I get my God-Assisted Birth!!

2007-11-20T09:27:00.000-08:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from other blog*

So, after long discussions and some minor arguing, Kris decided that yes, indeed, I could have a homebirth. Well, it wasn't that he decided, since I had already decided and I'm the one having the baby and all. But his condition was that someone else had to be there--midwife, doula, or over-educated friend or family member that could stay calm in an emergency. He didn't care who it was, as long as he could have someone else there. I guess it's a fear thing. I mean, if it's a doctor, and something goes wrong, you can blame the doctor. He wants someone there that he can emotionally (not legally) blame, other than himself. For more information on this, click on the label below that says "unassisted birth" and scroll down a few entries. In one of them I talk about Personal Responsibility, which Kris isn't good with.

Now, of course, I don't want someone else there to "blame", because God will have His Will, and if the baby wasn't meant to live, well then he would have died in the hospital too. It's no one's fault, and blaming God is useless. I just wanted someone there for Kris, and maybe someone to put counter-pressure on my back and to talk to me during transition and tell me I'm doing a great job. And to reassure Kris every now and then that YES, this is within the realm of TOTALLY NORMAL.

Amazingly enough, I think I've found just the person. Kris and I are having dinner with her tomorrow night at the Barrel of Crack... where hopefully she'll put some of his fears to rest and help me accomplish my dream birth.

Anyway, I need to go finish cleaning. Kris has been giving me small snippets of time (1-2hrs) alone (taking Boo) so that I can do stuff around the house without a tag-along. The only reason I stopped to take a break is because of this insane I'm-about-to-throw-up nausea that's kicking me in my arse. But I'd better just get over myself and go get stuff done.

Love,
moi

Journal entry: 6 weeks 3 days

2007-11-18T09:46:00.000-08:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from private UC journal*

The most amazing thing happened last night. On a whim, I went to a website run by two doulas that served the South Georgia area. I’d been there before and kept thinking.. maybe they’d be okay with the idea of…

Well, last night, after emailing a midwife in South Atlanta (still too far away, I think, not to mention expensive), I decided to give it a shot. I emailed both doulas with the proposition of what I was looking for. I was very upfront about what I wanted and what I would expect of them, since there was no need to beat around the bush. I figured that I may as well, the answer would either be a yes or a no.

So anyway, I went along with my evening, bought some bulk herbs for my pregnancy teas from a woman who actually has a Whole Foods in her country code (we are not so lucky here in The “Good Life City”), spent some time on the UC mothering board and the Due In July board. Checked my email. And there it was…

Oh, what a miracle! What an absolute miracle. The Person I’d been Looking For has suddenly appeared. And considering that I wanted a hands-off, sleep-in-the-next room midwife, I just couldn’t justify paying $2000-5000 for that. No, I’d rather go with the thing that I actually did want—non-medical labor support, and for a much, much more affordable price.

Thank You, God, for granting me my needs and the desires of my heart.

*~*

On the not-so-bright side, I’ve become incredibly nauseous over the last two days. This isn’t like any nausea I’ve ever had, and I really don’t like it. I was thinking that it was because of what I was eating—which, to an extent, it is—but I’m leaning more towards the amount I’m eating now.

This isn’t like the last pregnancy. I’m not just supporting one growing baby in the uterus, I’m also still nursing a 13-month-old that nurses almost constantly. Both of those are major calorie burners, so I think that I actually may not be eating enough. A re----

First journal entry: 6 weeks, 0 days

2007-11-15T09:42:00.000-08:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from private UC journal*

I really don’t know quite where to start with this. I guess I’ll start with the object. I’m six weeks pregnant, and while the ultimate goal out of this pregnancy is, of course, a healthy and happy baby, I desperately want a UC. That is, an unassisted childbirth. In my own home, with no one present except my husband, Kris, and someone to watch my oldest son, Jake.

My husband isn’t exactly thrilled about the idea. I’ve blogged about it a lot since I initially had the desire to have a UC… which started when I was pregnant with Jake. Of course, I was very young and afraid then, and didn’t have all the resources that I do now. Jake was born in the hospital with routine interventions and other things I didn’t like. I’ve managed to “process” his birth a great deal, which is in a future chapter, but I still get angry and anxious when I think about it and the possibility of another birth in the same hospital.

Since he didn’t experience any of the crucial things firsthand in the hospital, he doesn’t truly understand my need for a homebirth. He’s willing to allow me to birth at home, with a midwife, or perhaps even a doula, although I don’t think he understands what a doula truly is. If I were to judge the kind of person he’d need around to feel comfortable, it would have to be a midwife… someone who would step in and do. Doulas don’t do, in the medical sense: they just support and give information (not advice).

Since I’ve been working on convincing Kris of a UC since before October 2006 (it is now November 2007), it was starting to sink in a little. I even started talking about writing a book about what I’d coined “God-assisted Childbirth” and he was very supportive of it. He said I could write about all the trials and tribulations I’d come across in my journey for the perfect birth. I laughed at the idea of “trial and tribulation” until he got on the phone one night with his mom.

Now, I have to tell you about Dawn. She was my rock and my labor support during Jake’s birth. She rubbed, and whispered, and did everything I asked her to. Part of me is still mad at her for letting me get the epidural (since I told everyone that “even when I beg, don’t let me do it”), but it’s not her fault—it’s mine, for being in a hospital to begin with. But I digress. Back to the phone conversation.

Dawn knew about my desire for a homebirth. I’d mentioned UC in casual conversation, since she is very open-minded, but when I voiced my desire to actually do it, I’d reached the limits of her open mind. She didn’t say anything to me, though, she waited until she was on the phone with Kris. She asked when I was going to go see a doctor. You know, after we’d had an extensive conversation about Unassisted Pregnancy and prenatal care, and personal responsibility, and all that. Of course she knew I wasn’t going to see a doctor… at the absolute most, I’d be seeing a midwife. But she asked, and after a long conversation with Kris, where he just said “Yeah, you’re right” and “Absolutely”, I dreaded to think of what Kris was going to say. And sure enough, he said it.

“What do you think about a hospital birth with a midwife?”

I guess this was what he’d call a trial or tribulation, and I was angrier with him than I’d been in a long time. A year I’d worked for my right to have my perfect birth, and in ten minutes it seemed to be taken away. We argued. Of course, we argued in front of his grandmother (Granny), which means we argued civilly. She chimed in every now and then that we needed to have this baby wherever the insurance would cover it (which, since midwife-attended homebirths aren’t legal in Georgia, left only the hospital) and it needed to be in the hospital because she had all three of hers there (in the age where they knocked you out and pushed the baby out). Kris even had the nerve to tell me that I would have the baby wherever he allowed me to have it. I could have argued facts until I was blue in the face, but just like with any other parenting-related issue, all I could do was wait. All I could do was tell him that “you said the same thing when I first mentioned not getting an epidural, not circumcising, or breastfeeding, or not vaccinating… and look at how wonderful Jake is now because of those crazy ideas of mine!” I then left the room for a few minutes.

When I came back, thank God, Kris apologized. He said that of course we’d have the baby at home, as long as I had someone else there: midwife, doula, or calm and educated person that could think quickly and not panic in times of crisis.

Great, I thought. That last description described my rock during my first labor, Dawn. And then he said, “Oh, by the way, my mom won’t be there… she says she’d never forgive herself if something happened to the baby and you weren’t responsible enough to have someone there.”

Great. And now begins the search for that someone.

*~*

But back to today and my feelings about the pregnancy. I’m nauseous, but it’s not miserable. I’ve noticed that, while I feel worse physically than my first pregnancy, I’m not as upset about it. I know that nausea is cleansing to a certain extent (as are the 24 daily bathroom trips), and I’m just going with it. No nausea liquid, no Phenergan. No horrible diet, no prescription prenatal vitamins. Tea every morning with a folic acid supplement, and several small meals a day.

I haven’t decided about whether to UP (unassisted pregnancy/prenatal) or not. Kris wants the 20 week scan to find out the gender, and I don’t. INSERT BIBLE REFERNCE ABOUT THE SECRETS OF THE WOMB HERE. However, if that’s what it takes for him to “allow” me to gestate in peace, then I’m willing to do it. The only issue is that I have to have “permission” from my “doctor” to get the elective 4D scan. And I don’t know where I can just go in for the 20 weeks non-4D scan without actually becoming a patient. I guess I could wait until 12 or 16 weeks and become a “patient”, get the ultrasound, and stop going. That would be a total of $60 (well, $260 if he wants the 4D) and I’d only have to put up with three visits. I might do the blood work (Hep B, HIV, and all that other great stuff I don’t have since I’m in a committed, monogamous relationship) to make Kris feel better, and I could maybe find a way to decline the pelvic exam. I may even be able to convince a nurse to use a fetoscope instead of a Doppler for the heart rate—I’d feel better if I could, anyhow. Only three visits of lectures on how nursing could kill my unborn child and prescriptions for pills I’ll never take. I can do that, for Kris. And then, yes, then, I can gestate in peace. Until the doctor’s office starts calling and asking why I haven’t been back. Better to give a false number, right?

I do truly want to get my medical records, though. And soon. I’ll have to go two places, since the hospital and the OB’s office don’t communicate well and my records (and ONLY my records) never got transferred either direction. So, one trip to L&D, and another to the OB. With money. Copying records costs money. As though the $13,000 they got from my birth alone wasn’t enough.

*~*

But am I scared? About the birth, I mean. I’m scared about Kris’s fears and paranoia, and his unwillingness to trust God and me. But about the actual birth itself, that’s only in God’s hands, and God says a few hundred times in the Bible to NOT FEAR. I think He meant it, so I’m going to stick by that.

FAITH is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

BIG BIG NEWS!!!

2007-11-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

We're PREGNANT!!!

Processing Boo's Birth, part 1

2007-07-01T09:23:00.000-07:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from other blog*

Please don't mind references to pictures. I will get the original link, so you can get the pictures. I am going to go through each section, thinking about what should have been done differently and what could have been better. This is just to make me feel better, btw, so thanks for reading. There is some mild swearing (because I'm angry over parts of this birth), so please excuse the p-and-d-words.

October 8 (Sunday)
11pm- My water breaks... and after 2 trips to L&D with false alarms for water leakage, I finally know that it really did break. It was everywhere. I left a trail from the bedroom to the bathroom and back. DH and I know that if we go to the hospital now, we'll get all pitocin'd up and lose our chance for a natural childbirth... so we go back to bed

And we should have STAYED IN BED until, like, NOON the next day. This was mistake number one--being too excited too early. If I had just done that ONE thing--stayed HOME--I would have had a totally drug-free-pitocin-free birth. But I had to expose myself to pitocin-happy doctors who were mad about me not dilating according to "their" schedule.

October 9 (Monday)
5am- DH and I get up and he decides to call into work, since we will be going to the hospital. He and I leave and meet my MIL there.

See last paragraph.

7am- Got all checked in (no triage this time, I was sent straight to a LDR room!). I was told to walk, walk, walk, walk, and walk some more... and given until noon to make noticable progress. At this point I am 2-3. It takes them four tries and one blow-out to get my saline lock in (yay, didn't have to have an IV yet).

Lookie there, I'm already tired, and then I get guilted/bullied into WALKING... because walking=progress, and no progress=drugs, so therefore waking MIGHT=no drugs. In the end, this walking made me get the epidural, because I was absolutely EXHAUSTED, like I'd never been before. Well, the walking and the pitocin, but keep reading. If I'd just sat on that damn exercise ball and signed the AMA(refusal) for pitocin, all would have still been able to go well.

12pm- And I am at 3-4cm, so the nurse requests that Dr M not start pitocin yet. He agrees but I start and IV of antibiotics. I'm having regular, semi-strong contractions but I'm not in a lot of pain... but the birth ball is wonderful at this point.

At this point, my nurse DOES mention that I still have a forebag of waters... well, if SOMEONE had broken it THEN, I would have started DILATING MORE. Duh. But no, let's just wait for the doctor to get done jacking off in the closet (see: Dr doesn't appear until, what, six?), and in the meantime let's give Sunny lots of antibiotics.

Antibiotics which wouldn't have been necessary at all if they'd kept their fingers out of my vagina. Vaginal checks = risk of infection if water is broken. But of course, the nurses and doctors still believe that crap about how it's the AMOUNT OF TIME THAT GOES BY... so explain to me how so many moms can go weeks with a broken water and deliver healthy babies with no infection? Because... hmm... she refused to be violated!

3pm- I'm a solid 4cm, not enough progress so I start pitocin. Contractions get stronger and closer together, and (as we've all heard) don't follow the usual pattern... they are just all ON. I'm still smiling between contractions, but can't talk through them anymore. This is when the back labor really kicks in.

Gee, I'm not dilating quickly enough... could be because of that FOREBAG that my doctor won't break (still jacking off in the closet), or could be because my cervix was thinning or effacing, or the baby was moving down... dilation is the WORST indicator of labor progress, I'm surprised that people are still naive enough to use it!

6pm- Dr M finally comes in and checks me... I am still at 4cm, which absolutely breaks my heart because I thought the pitocin would work and I would make progress (and considering the pain...). He then finishes breaking my water (why didn't he do this earlier???) and puts an internal monitor in. This is where labor gets horrible. I'm biting on washrags, and I can't get up and move around anymore (I'm all hooked up to stuff now). I'm on my hands and knees on the bed, but still making it through contractions. Of course, they're on top of each other now...

Gee, check that out... two hours of hell-raising pitocin and no progress?!?! Could still be that forebag, or could be that Jake wasn't QUITE READY FOR THE WORLD (I believe he was supposed to be a 10/10 baby, and I mean late night 10/10). And of course, because the doctor doesn't believe the external monitor is useful (ironic, since it was a Godsend and absolutely necessary earlier that day!!!), I have to have wires shoved into my vagina and screwed into my son's head. Nice. So now I'm tied to the bed and have no way of coping with the pain except lying there and biting into cold rags. I would have killed for a shower at this point.

9pm- I finally ask for an epidural... the nurse offers to check me beforehand, but I decline since so far the checks have been worse than the contractions (even the rag-biting ones). SO, I sit up and the anesthesiologist comes in... and I have to go to the bathroom. I mean, I feel like I ate some horrible mexican and I had to blow it out... I tell them this, and they say "It's okay, you can go to the bathroom in a minute" (DH says they were giving each other the "uh-oh" look behind my back, but the anesthesiologist had already started prepping)...

Yep, I asked, because I was freakin' tired. And unfortunately, no one in the room had read enough of the Bradley book to tell me "Sunny, you are a TEXTBOOK TRANSITION! YOU'RE DONE!" I mean, when I reread the chapter a few months ago, every single word in the Transition signpost (self-doubt) was Me, Me, Me. I may as well have written it. But of course, no one supported me enough to read the book with me, because most people thought I was crazy for wanting to go "natural". Kris had a moment of "No, you're not getting it" because I TOLD HIM TO DO THAT, YES I DID, NO MATTER WHAT, but then the rest of the family intervened and told him to shut up (grr). And to top it off, the staff KNOWS what's going on, they're exchanging KNOWING glances behind my back, but no one SAYS "Hey, Sunny, we need to check you because you're showing signs of being completely dilated". I mean, they shove EVER OTHER INTERVENTION DOWN MY THROAT, over and over, but this ONE time, when it would BENEFIT me, they just let it go. Because if I don't get the epidural (since I'm complete), someone doesn't get paid. Duh, huh?

9:30 Epidural in. And I slept through the epidural process, except the four contractions (they had some problems getting it in... I would never have known). I turned on my back, the nurse checked me, and I was complete... the anesthesiologist hadn't even left the room, he was still talking to me about what to expect!

Ugh, and this pissed me off so bad.

10pm- The nurses had let me "nap" as the epi took effect (the first dose... they never gave anything more than that), and now I start pushing (because I REALLY feel the urge). DH had said he didn't want to see "down there", but when the nurse asked if we were expecting hair, his eyes were all up in there! We could see the head pushing, and it was hairy!

Yeah, they put in the catheter, gave me the "test" dose, and then stopped it. So when you read the future paragraphs, I was wrong. And of course the doctor assumed I had pain relief from the epidural, which is why I felt every. single. stitch.

10:20pm- I am told to STOP PUSHING because they CAN'T FIND THE DOCTOR (they literally tell the other OB to stay at the desk in case I pop). They finally find Dr M and we get down to business. Of course, the epi does nothing here... so I am totally PISSED that I even have it.

This is the part where my doctor is jacking off in the closet again. Why should I tire myself out and possibly cause irreversible damage to my reproductive organs just because my doctor can't stop jacking off in the closet? I mean, jeez, you're supposed to be ON CALL and here I am pretty much CROWNING.

And of course... pushing on your back... is STUPID! But I wasn't "allowed" to get into other safer and more effective positions, because then it wouldn't be CONVENIENT for the doctor. He could have been born at 10:00 if they'd let me MOVE, dammit!

10:46pm- POP! Jakob Daniel is born, 8lbs 1oz, 20 3/4". I tear a wee bit and get 2 stitches. This is the point where I'm happy to have the epidural, even though it's mostly worn off... because I CAN feel the stitching and the uterine massage, but I could NOT feel (Thank God) when Dr M "packed" me full of gauze... or when I realized that his whole hand was missing, and there was only one place it could be... after he is done, I fall asleep.

Wow, most women write oodles and oodles about when the baby comes out. But me? No. I felt totally disconnected from the entire experience. I find it funny that I say "I'm happy to have the epidural..." and then talk about all the pain I'm in. Most natural labors are described as really hard work, and up until the point where I got the epidural, it was really freaking hard work. It didn't start hurting until I was falling asleep between contractions, which is partially my fault and mostly hospital staff's fault. But then after I get the epidural... pain, pain, pain. Most women who get epidurals describe labor as painful, most even AFTER they get it. I'm not glad I got it, in fact I feel like a failure at times for getting it. I still feel some bitterness at my family for going against all of my wishes (wishes made when I was thinking clearly, not when I was insane and in labor) and completely disregarding my desires for a natural birth. It meant so much to me, and I feel betrayed that I didn't bring Boo into the world the way I wanted to.

Instead he was immediately taken away from me, for everyone BUT me to hold and touch. I had expected him to be on me, skin to skin on my chest, for the first hour. The doctor okayed this and said everything could wait, but of course it was all forgotten and hospital "procedure" took over. I saw him for maybe 10 seconds in his first 3 hours of life. I feel totally ripped off. And then they had to put in a catheter (jeesh, OW), and finally let me eat (because of the stupid outdated no-food-in-labor policy). Well, I could have been so tired because I hadn't eaten in eighteen hours! Anyway, by the time we got upstairs into our room with a broken air conditioner (by which time they'd already given my baby Artificial Baby Milk Crap, as though I wasn't already having enough issues with breastfeeding), I was begging to see MY CHILD. Like, why should I have to ask? For MY child? And when they brought him to me, I didn't even feel like he was mine. Jakob Daniel, property of Phoebe Putney Memorial Hospital, and yes mommy, you're allowed to nurse him when we think it's appropriate, but we're allowed to do everything else we want to him.

I never signed a consent form for him to receive his Hepatitis B vaccine. I don't have HepB, and the only OTHER way he could get it is dirty needles and sex... not likely for a newborn... they also gave him vitamin K shot and the eye goop... of course, he didn't need the eye goop either, since I don't have gonorrhea. They had my prenatal records... they knew this... but they didn't even ask. They also gave him a bath (which I didn't want done, and it was in the birth plan) and formula (which caused the milk protein allergy that led me to eliminate dairy from my diet for six months). They also took him out of my sight, even though I was told all procedures could be done in front of me.

But hey, didn't matter, he wasn't MY child, he was still hospital property. At least that's how I felt. I didn't even feel like I had a child until we were at home, and I was nursing him in MY house, on MY couch, whenever I wanted to. Only then did it start to sink in that I had a baby.

Anyway, I think I'm done processing for tonight.

I did seem to bleed a good bit, I gushed a lot the first day or two. But they didn't treat that, they just had a wait-and-see approach. I should have cut off a piece of placenta, would have stopped the bleeding right away. Or they could have let me breastfeed right away (instead of waiting... hours...), which has been shown to slow and/or stop bleeding. So I'm not concerned about postpartum hemorrhage with my UC (or, GC, see last few posts). And if I do bleed a lot (or retain placenta), then I alone will go to the hospital for a quick fix (not admission). I'm not worried about tearing at all--I barely tore with this birth, in horrible position, so I doubt I'll tear at all when I'm in a real birthing position.

And the placenta... all my OB's told me that the cord had to be cut immediately (because they're ignorant like that) or else the blood would drain out of the baby. Well, all of my readers know what baloney that is, and what REALLY happens (if you don't, message me and I'll link you), and how dangerous it is to cut the cord before it stops pulsating. Actually, I'm hoping to have a lotus birth with the next babe, so there won't be ANY cord cutting. :)

Okay, sorry, done processing for tonight. There will be sequels, I'm sure, because "processing" isn't a one-post thing. So thanks for listening, and I am open to any comments (anonymous and non-member comments are welcome!) on questions and critiques and advice and support... or whatever.

Anyhow, here is the original link: Birth Story, with Pictures

Love,
me

So in the Bible it says...

2007-07-01T09:20:00.000-07:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from other blog*

Quickie post.

Tonight I prayed and prayed and all, and asked for signs about many different (personal) things, and then did that open-to-a-random-page thing (in the Bible, of course).

If you've read my previous posts, you'll know how significant and mind-blowing this was for me.

Luke 5:31, the second half of it (in red)

"They that are whole need not a physician: but they that are sick"

Thank you, Jesus... straight from Your mouth... reinforcing what Yo Daddy is putting in my heart.

And thanks for the sign ;)

God-assisted Childbirth

2007-06-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from other blog*

Okay, the long awaited and long-promised post is here!

Over on MDC (see link in my sidebar), the technical term for a UC (Unassisted Childbirth) has been long discussed. I think it started with someone talking about hating the term “DIY” birth… even though a lot of mamas DO do it themselves! But anyway, a lot of terms got thrown around and discussed, all with their pros and cons. Unassisted is still the true “technical” term, because it’s the most understood, but there are countless other terms for this awesome way to birth: Unhindered birth, pure birth, free birth, family birth, solo birth (when relevant), half-solo birth (S/N just came up with this term, meaning when you labor alone, but with another family member in the house with you, but in another room), unattended birth, and the list goes on.

But I’m realizing that, while I’ll be unassisted and unhindered by any real medical personnel (I plan on having only Kris and Boo there, maybe my mother-in-law to watch Boo), I’ll still have the full presence and support of the Most Important Person I could have: God.

What better birth attendant than God? He knows me inside and out, he knows how my body is handling labor better than I do. He knows the baby’s heart rate and stress level better than any midwife could check for. And He knows how to talk to you, if only you’re free to listen. I think what goes wrong with a lot of attended births (hospital AND midwife-attended) is that the medical person inadvertently (or, in a hospital, intentionally) suppresses all of the mother’s instincts. A hands-on helper is more likely to suggest intervention, or make suggestions that a birthing mother (in what for most is a delicate state of mind) is willing to try or accept, whether it be with pushing guidance, position, eating, breathing, or really anything. With another voice in their heads, they are unable to hear the Tiny Voice Inside (aka Intuition, or God’s Guidance). This can lead to problems, and for some mothers, even fetal death.

See, I believe that, should an emergency arise, God will put it in my heart to TRANSFER to the hospital. He was with that baby when He delicately knit him into my womb, He was with that baby every day of the pregnancy, so why would He abandon this baby at his birth? If I am meant to have a healthy baby, I will have a healthy baby. If my baby was only meant to live in the womb, then He will take that baby home before it’s born. If my baby was meant to enjoy only a few minutes of life on this earth, then God will take him, whether I’m at home or in a hospital. And what would be a better memory to go to heaven with--being surrounded by loving family members in my home, or being poked, prodded, and separated from my family in a hospital?

I think Kris’s biggest fear (about the last paragraph, the baby dying) is a matter of responsibility. It’s human nature to want someone to blame, and if you birth in a hospital (or even with a midwife, at home) it’s easier to blame the birth attendant. I think he’s subconsciously scared of something going wrong, and having to blame me or himself for it for the rest of his life, instead of taking responsibility and realizing that it isn’t about blame. It isn’t about the what-if game. It’s about trusting God. And like I said above, if God wants this baby, He’ll take this baby, even if he’s hooked up to a million machines to “live” for him.

I’m approaching this next baby (no, not pregnant yet, just SPECULATORY WRITING HERE) with more confidence and excitement. There are so many things that I didn’t know at Boo’s labor (or DID, but NO ONE ELSE bothered to learn them so they let me be stupid when I got tired… I will post a thread SOON about processing Boo’s birth), so many things I didn’t know in his first days home. I keep going back to the “what-ifs” of his birth and first days, thinking of everything I could have done differently to make it better… but there’s no use in wallowing in the past, so I just need to apply what I’ve learned to the next one. And one of those things is a God-assisted childbirth.

In Exodus, there’s a verse about the Hebrew midwives. They are supposed to kill all the Hebrew womens’ boys when they are born, but they aren’t, so they are getting in trouble. The midwives then talk about how, unlike the Egyptian women who just lay there and want to be waited on, the Hebrew women were strong and often birthed before they could arrive. For this, the midwives and the Hebrew women are blessed, and their boys live.

Exodus 1: 15-20
¹⁵And the king of Egypt spake to the Hebrew midwives, of which the name of the one was Shiphrah, and the name of the other Puah:
¹⁶And he said, When ye do the office of a midwife to the Hebrew women, and see them upon the stools; if it be a son, then ye shall kill him: but if it be a daughter, then she shall live.
¹⁷But the midwives feared God, and did not as the king of Egypt commanded them, but saved the men children alive.
¹⁸And the king of Egypt called for the midwives, and said unto them, Why have ye done this thing, and have saved the men children alive?
¹⁹And the midwives said unto Pharaoh, Because the Hebrew women are not as the Egyptian women; for they are lively, and are delivered ere the midwives come in unto them.
²⁰Therefore God dealt well with the midwives: and the people multiplied, and waxed very mighty.

I think that the Egyptian women are comparable to that lot of women that put all of their faith in the hospital staff instead of God. They trust with their whole hearts that everything done will be in their best interest, and because of that, they lie in bed, tied to pain medications and monitors, and have agonizing labors and deliveries. However, the Hebrew woman that trusts God to help them is more like the UC’er. The UC’er isn’t dependant on someone else to do the work for them, it’s THEIR child, and THEY are going to deliver it. They are strong, independent, and blessed.

With this next pregnancy (again, not pregnant), I am going to spend more time with God and less time at prenatal appointments. Well, NO time at prenatal appointments, unless I want a 20 week ultrasound, which is unlikely. I’m perfectly capable of purchasing a fetoscope (because a Doppler is more dangerous than ultrasound), a scale, a blood pressure cuff (or I can just use everyone else’s, since everyone in our family has their own!), and urine test strips (ketones, protein, sugar). It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to do your own prenatal care. Oh, and I need a tape measure… to measure my fundal height… and if I’m feeling especially paranoid, I can test my blood sugar in any family member’s house (or even my own, since we’re about to move in with a diabetic!). I’ll keep records in case of a hospital transfer, of course, but I don’t see the point in paying $2000-6000 for someone else to do it for me. And don’t get me started on internal exams… I won’t ever have one of THOSE again!

Anyway, sorry for that tangent. I’m going to spend less time with medical professionals and more time with God. He’s the one that’s in charge, so He’s the one that I need to be talking to. Every aspect of the pregnancy (except the free will of my diet) is in His hands and mine, and I am fully responsible for what happens (and will not pawn that responsibility off on “professionals”). I am fully responsible for education myself and taking care of myself, with God’s blessing and assistance. God will make sure this baby is healthy, growing, and in a good position to be born (even if that DOES mean breech), and if the baby is in a bad position… well if God can move mountains and make oceans, why can’t He turn a baby around?

And when the time comes for me to birth, I’ll be able to open my heart and mind to listen… which position is most comfortable? What’s working best? Is the baby okay? Am I okay? In the water, out of the water? Is the baby breech? How do I turn him, or will he be fine born breech? To push or not to push? Am I fully dilated? God will tell me what no internal exam or practitioner’s guidance could.

Well, thanks guys, for letting my process through my thoughts on God-assisted pregnancy and childbirth. I’m feeling pretty confident and ready for when the time comes (other than having the supplies). I can’t wait to ditch the obstetrician’s plans (induction, pitocin, yada yada) and just follow God’s plan. I can’t wait for my spiritual, loving, God-assisted family-oriented home birth.

Love,
moi

Medical Religion

2007-06-08T09:18:00.000-07:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from other blog*

Well, I've been reading more and more UC (unassisted childbirth) stories the last few days. Of course, there are a few hospital transfers, but most "problems" that doctors would "intervene" with are handled just fine at home. For instance, herbs for excessive bleeding (or a piece of placenta under the tongue), oils for t'ain't support (versus doing an episiotomy) (lol, t'ain't... spell checker won't give me a word for perinium). Or getting on all fours when a baby's shoulders get stuck (shoulder dystocia), which will help rotate the baby, instead of... hmm... BREAKING BONES to get the baby out (this is just stupid to me, that doctors are so insistent on keeping women flat on their backs that they're willing to harm an infant to keep the mom there, nice and submissive and convenient). JUST to name a few, anyhow. And of course they're the occasional but rare stillbirth (and, for those of you that are part of the Medical Religion, stillbirths also happen quite often in hospitals... more often, even.).

Now, let me explain what I mean by Medical Religion. Most Americans literally worship the medical system. They will entrust their health, well being, and lives to a doctor and his opinions. They will typically not research for themselves, just take it all on blind faith and act on it. Especially prenatal care. The reason women go to prenatal care is because they don't want to educate themselves, and they want to put the responsibility of their baby on someone else. If something goes wrong, it's the DOCTOR's fault. Well, I don't understand WHY something happened, I did everything the DOCTOR told me to. This DOCTOR... who also sees hundreds of other women every week and will have no trouble sleeping at night if something happens to your baby. Because HE was just following STANDARD PROCEDURE. Well, it's not MY fault something happened to the baby, I followed all the procedures to a T! Which is the problem. But we trust the words falling out of our doctor's mouths like they're pure holiness.

Well, most doctors are full of it. Remember, 70% of medical school students admitted to cheating. How many lied about it? What's the real number of them that are cheating?

Okay, sorry about the rant. Must be the PMS and all (yes, kiddies, I'm NOT pregnant).

This rant will continue the day after tomorrow, with God-Assisted Childbirth.

Unassisted Childbirth

2007-06-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

*Backdated to original date, copied from other blog*

Unhindered birth, autonomous childbirth, unattended, purebirth, freebirth, or whatever you want to call it. "DIY" birth.

I keep coming back to it, over and over again. I know that for my next birth, I do want a homebirth. I don't know if I want a midwife present or not, but if I do, I'd like one that will just sit in a corner and observe. A birth is an intimate family experience. I wouldn't have a midwife present for the conception (Hatchi-tatchi!) of the baby, so it seems a little strange to have an attendant for the other end. I know that most husbands want a midwife/doctor present to take any burden off of them, or to calm their fears of all the what-ifs. But rest assured, Kris wouldn't have to *do* anything. I'd be the one doing the work. And as far as prenatal care goes, I've already decided that, even if I do have a midwife, I'll probably have unhindered prenatal care. After all, it doesn't make much sense to me to pay oodles of money for someone to measure my belly and take my weight and blood pressure (oh, and of course stick a piece of paper in my pee and look at the colors... think I can handle that one!). If I really need to hear fetal heart tones, a fetoscope costs what, ten dollars? Internal exams are pretty useless during pregnancy AND labor, if not outright dangerous. Most other tests are just an excuse to diagnose something "wrong" with you or your baby--so that you can kill it if it doesn't suit you. So yeah, unhindered prenatal care. If I have a midwife, likely I'll spend enough time with her to be comfortable with her.

The results of a study, conducted on over 57,000 women, show that those who received the most amount of prenatal care by their physicians had the worst pregnancy outcomes and the highest rate of cesarean sections and induced labor.

—Gissler M, Hemminki E, Amount of antenatal care and infant outcome. Eur J Obstet Gynecol Reprod Biol 1994 Jul; 56(1):9-14.
http://www.unhinderedliving.com/medicalrights.html

I know Kris is a little freaked out by the idea of a UC. He mentioned what happened when my uncle and his wife attempted a homebirth with a midwife (30-some years ago) and he wasn't breathing and had brain damage while waiting for the ambulance. I don't know the whole story, but I have educated myself in what to DO in these situations. Get infant CPR certification, to start out with, and then there are several things you can do to stimulate breathing. This might be one reason I'd have to have a non-intrusive midwife present- the reassurance of an oxygen tank (or we could just rent one... hmmm....).

God built women to instinctively know how to birth their babies. That's how it was done for millions of years- first unassisted, then with midwives, then with men who made up a bunch of harmful interventions and called it obstetrics. Anyway, I digress (I do a lot of that, no?). Women are built to know what to do. If something doesn't feel right, that instinct kicks in, and the woman changes something--from changing position to changing location, if she truly believes a hospital transfer is necessary. And I personally trust my God-given instincts more than a medical professional that doesn't know me inside and out.

I imagine that regardless of what we decide to do (which will greatly depend on our location too... if we're in Albany, I'll obviously be having a UC), I'll probably wait a good while before calling the midwife. I think I'd like to have a similar environment (support wise, nothing else) as my last birth: someone to apply counter-pressure and not talk, someone else to bring me what I ask for and not talk. My main goal is to get into "laborland", so that Jesus and I can walk and talk and then greet the new baby at the end of our journey.

Anyway, that's a long way off. At least nine months anyhow, because I'll never know if I'm pregnant until I suddenly realize, whoops, it's been forever since I've had a period... since I'm not keeping track of my cycles at all. I'm doing this on purpose, mostly, since I know that it's normal to deliver between 36-46 weeks (but everyone else says 38-41 and then let's screw you with induction) and I don't want to know an exact "due date". Even if I do happen to know an exact date, I won't be sharing it with anyone: "Yeah, I'm due sometime in March or April". That way no one will ask until May. But I'd prefer just knowing an average date, anyway, and I'll find that when I measure my fundus after a few months (after 24 weeks, the size of your uterus in cms is usually the same as your gestation in weeks... give or take 1-2cms). Anyway, if I were pregnant now, I'd know that I had my last period Sometime In March, so I'd be "due" Sometime In Decemberish. Good enough for me.

When it finally comes down to me being pregnant, I doubt I'll share my birth plans with everyone: I don't need the stress that'll be caused by inaccurate horror stories or accusations that I'm putting my baby's life in danger--a hospital puts a baby's life in danger! I'll probably just mention homebirth and let them assume "Oh, a midwife". But we'll see when we get there!